Getting Things Started – Starting Sexy Time as Swingers


Starting Sexy Time as SwingersSix years into the Lifestyle, I'm still amazed at how awkward it can be for swingers to “get things started.” We'll meet couple for drinks and then all agree on either a hotel or coming back to our place or theirs. It's “on” as they say. We all know why we’re there. But once we arrive and there is a bed not so far away (or we are even sitting on the bed) it can be very hard to get naked. Even with fellow veteran couples. Even with people we have people with whom we have played in the past.

I do appreciate this about “on-premise” clubs. With a dance floor, drinks, and dark rooms, it is easy to start things and then move straight to a playroom and continue. I've never had the awkward “small talk” in a playroom of an on-premise club. But in a house or a hotel, awkward seems to be the norm.

Here are some reasons for the awkwardness and perhaps some solutions, although we certain could use some more.

1. Strategic sitting. Where couples choose to sit makes a huge difference in if/when things will happen quickly or slowly. I try to sit close to the girl of the guy of the other couple so that some caressing might be able to begin fairly quickly. Even so I have been sitting on the lap of my guy for the night, and conversation about the unsexiest topics can continue far longer than I would like. It’s a fine line between taking the initiative to get things going and being too aggressive. People might want to talk to break the ice and feel more comfortable but sometimes things just end up being less sexy rather than more as we prattle on. If we have a bed in sight, I would rather spend more time fucking and less time talking, but maybe that is just me!

2. Icebreaker. Someone needs to take the initiative to turn the conversation from vanilla topics to sexy. Mr. D likes the ‘”so how did you get in the Lifestyle” question. But often we've already covered that at the bar. Comparing breasts is another fun suggestion. Our go-to fall back is the game SwingSet. Couples seem to love playing a game that gives permission to touch breasts, whisper fantasies, give lap dances… The cards are graded 1-15 in with increasingly sexual directions. We never seem to get past the level 5 questions (most of which are hot touching and kissing). By that point clothes tend to fly off. Phew. We actually need to order a new set because a fairly newbie couple seemed concerned that our cards looked so…used.

3. Women take the lead. I suppose it’s my own fault that we don't get things started faster. The more the women get things going the faster things progress. I the future, perhaps I just take my shirt off and share my breasts with whoever is nearby. It can be a gutsy move though. Especially if I haven't had enough to drink. And Mr. D. is usually more impatient than I with moving things long, so he tends to suggest the card game before the girls come out.

The most natural transition are quick ones. Start as you are entering the house/hotel room. Move things along quickly before they stagnate. Sometimes that works. Sometimes I wonder how this will ever happen.

But fortunately, eventually it almost always does.


Mrs. Doubleplay is 40-something mom living in the middle of America with kids, a career, and pretty house in the suburbs. She’s active in her local church, coaches the kids’ soccer games, and happens to have a secret life as a swinger. Married to her high school sweetheart, Mr. Doubleplay, the couple dipped their toes in the lifestyle for a couple of years but then dropped off the radar to have kids. They rejoined the lifestyle in 2005 and haven’t looked back. They have been soft swap from the start but are working their way toward greater forms of adventure as we meet hot couples on lifestyle vacations, swinger clubs, and online websites.

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