I was thinking the other day, “What do I get out of the swinger lifestyle? Why do I love having sexual relationships with other women, outside of marriage?”
Part of the answer is simple: variety.
It’s really fun to get to experience different women. I love to kiss different women, taste them, smell their hair, appreciate the chemistry we have together. Every woman has her own unique style and rhythm of how she moves, how she kisses, how she touches, how she responds. Some women are more aggressive, some are more reticent, some women need to be coaxed out of their comfort zones while others seem to be eager for action all the time.
In the past 12 months since my wife and I entered the swinger lifestyle, I have had sexual contact with six other women (other than my wife). I appreciate everything I’ve experienced with all of these other women – I remember the things I loved about their bodies, the way they kissed, the way they moaned and sighed, the smoothness of their skin. I love first kisses. I never want to have to give up first kisses.
One of the hard things for many people about getting married is having to commit to being monogamous with one person for the rest of their lives. I remember thinking that I wasn’t worried about this, because I loved my wife a lot (I still love my wife a lot – more than ever, in fact), and my wife was the most exciting, expressive, enthusiastic lover I’d ever had, and we had such a great sex life together that I didn’t think I would ever need to be with another woman.
But now that we’re swingers, I realize how grateful I am for being able to be married to my wife while still getting to have sex with other women. I wonder if more men would be less afraid to commit to getting married…if they knew that they didn’t have to give up having sex with other women? Maybe if polyamory/swinging was more common and accepted, people would have stronger marriages, because they wouldn’t have to give up that essential part of their sexuality. Maybe the best way for couples to stay committed to each other…is to not have to be 100% committed to each other. It’s like the old saying: “How do you keep the one you love? Set them free.”
Having sex with multiple women makes me feel vibrantly, wonderfully alive. It makes me feel desired. It makes me feel like I have even more love and pleasure to offer to others. The variety of the swinger lifestyle makes me feel more optimistic about life and about the future – I feel more connected to other people, I feel more hopeful about the possibilities ahead. I feel a great sense of abundance, that there are still many exciting erotic adventures ahead of me, that I can still love and be loved abundantly for the rest of my life.
If a good marriage is like a healthy diet, the swinger lifestyle is like a vitamin supplement. I suppose I could live without that extra “supplement,” but I wouldn’t feel nearly as healthy and whole. Being polyamorous gives me some extra variety in my “sexual diet” that I don’t want to live without.
Originally posted on Swing Lifestyle Blog
