The Salmon: A Swinger Swimming Against The Stream

What the hell am I doing???

Not the first time I have asked myself the question, and looking ahead almost certainly not the last.

I paused for a moment, staring at the swing club door alone, kind of knowing that this was going be a biggie. One of those life changing/no longer in my comfort zone/sink or swim/grow or get out of the way moments; one of those things that changes how I think of myself.

I adore my wife, happily married for over 20 years, monogamous for over 25. No affairs, no lovers, just the wonder of each other exploring life and love and sex together. So…why do I want to swing???

I want to fuck other people.

There I said it out loud. I want to fuck other people. I am not sure that I care that some people will think bad things of me because of it. I want to pleasure others and have them pleasure me in return, one on one, in groups, female and possibly even male; strangers, new acquaintances and maybe a friend or two. I want to stretch beyond my comfort zone, to learn and grow. I want to be a more sensitive lover, more aware and in the moment. I want to learn how to communicate better and understand my partner’s feelings and needs better. I would like to become a better person.

Another voice in my head answers…

And do you really think swinging is going to do that?

I don’t know. But I can try.

My love understands this, and truly wants me to be happy, but this is a bridge too far for her. She is more Poly than swing. Sex without love, or maybe at least more emotional commitment does not fully make sense to her and she gives herself body and soul when she does give. She cannot join me in this and we are both ok with that (no really).

So the deal is this, we will join a club. I need to attend either as a single or with another partner. What happens at the club stays at the club, no parties, no trysts, no hotel rooms, no lies. Everything is above the board. I let her know when I am going and who I go with and if I cannot help myself, give a debriefing afterward. I promise always to be safe, to get tested fairly regularly, and that she will be first and foremost in my life. This I can do. A married man swinging singly, whether or not I can do that is yet to be seen.

So there I stand before the door and ask myself once more. What the hell am I doing?

I am living!!!!

I expect to make mistakes, and will try to anonymously relate the lessons and successes. I understand that there are pitfalls ahead I can’t even see, much less identify. I hope to explore them with a little humor, a lot of honesty, and a promise to try and not take myself too seriously in the process. I am as new to blogging as I am to swinging. I cannot reveal too much as my vanilla life will not be terribly supportive if I am outed. It could endanger my job as well as devastate my wife. So I will take the name of The Salmon, living in fresh water as well as salt, oceans of swing and kink, rivers of vanilla life and more than occasionally swimming against the stream.