Mr. Doubleplay and I have slowed down our swinger ways. And, therefore, my apologies for the lack of blogs lately. We are spending too much time with our long-term boyfriend/girlfriend. We are in love.
The dating/meet and greet part of swinging seemed like a bit of a hassle compared to those two. They are fabulously hot and live close by. It is next to impossible to find other dates who compare to their looks and amazing vibe. We are in the midst of a full on polyamory crush right now.
Yet we are also realizing that swinging and polyamory are different beasts. For our marriage, swinging is about OUR marriage, and the fun we have together. We find the other people interesting and we always try our best to be respectful and enjoy it when we make friends along the way. But in the end it is about the fun times we are having together and our shared crazy experiences.
Polyamory is…different. I should add that we weren’t looking for polyamory. It found us. It creeped up on us as we developed serious feelings for this couple. We are finally comfortable calling it love but it has been a long, slow, cautious road. The four of us are fabulous. And the odds of finding a foursome that works are so rare. We know how special this is. This relationship is as much about them as about us. And I would selflessly put them first in many ways. I would probably never do that in a swinger situation.
Yet for our marriage, we are realizing that we need to keep the swinging in the picture. It keeps things spicy. And it keeps us as a primary couple focused on each other. We have crazy, off-the-hook sex after we go on a swinger date. It revs us up, gets us talking about fantasies. Even if we don’t play with the other couple, it recharges our batteries and connects us as a primary couple.
Polyamory for us is special. An amazing connection. Electricity and sparks and new relationship energy. But not the same as swinging. Our poly loves are fine with our swinging and find it hot to hear about it. But it is awkward when they want to make plans and we have a swinger date. We are working through these awkward moments and will continue our swinger ways. But we decidedly have less time on our hands these days to do so.
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The same thing is happening with us, and I agree with every word of this.
Best of luck! Speaking from experience I can’t emphasize the whole communication being important. Yes, we all know it… But sometimes we just forget it. I was in an amazing quad and when it was good, it was beyond words… But when it wasn’t… 🙁 enjoy the personal growth you will experience and here’s to a happy quad!!
I can’t believe I found this blogpost. My husband and I fell into a quad in a very similar way and the four of us are navigating the whole thing very much in the dark. It’s been frustrating not to be able to find anyone else out there to talk to who is in a similar situation. Does anyone reading this know of a quad we could actually communicate with for some much needed advice?