Girl on girl…the mythology and visual ecstasy live large from Spring Break to Bourbon Street. Girl on girl sex is worthy of being epic. And certainly deserves more respect than main stream culture affords. Girl sex can perhaps be a little less obvious, though no less delicious. We are excited to welcome Allison Moon, author of Girl Sex 101 to episode 201 of Life on the Swingset.
Scott Adams had something to say about monogamy this week.
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Cooper S Beckett
Ginger Bentham
Dylan Thomas
Technogeisha
1 Comment
Hi guys,
We (Wife [46] & I [57] 20 yrs together. Both quite fit and good looking) are writing together as we have some sex-related difficulties in our relationship and you might have some insights that could help us. We are attending Sexfulness couple’s sessions led by a renowned sex therapist in our city.
Short question: How can I get her to be as attracted to me as she was 15-10 yrs ago? She admits she is not and hasn’t been for some 5 years already.
Longer: Her lack of lust for me is damaging our relationship. We love each other deeply and are both concerned it will break us apart. She is as interested in rekindling passion as I am. Nonetheless, she says the passion is just “not there”.
We used to fuck like rabbits. Have been sexually adventurous, swingers and poly “for ever”. Sporty and fit we haven’t let ourselves “go”. And yet, for the last 5 years I had noticed diminished interest on her side. Tried to get her to admit it as first step to resolution nut for a long time she denied there was a problem at all. Then she would explain it away as some temporary circumstance (=fill in all possible excuses including anti-depressant meds=). Finally she (we) concluded that her age or the meds were screwing up her hormones. We sought out therapy to aid in discovering and solving the problem. Through out, we remained open, although it was evident she would drag her feet when going to swinger clubs and was not as poly as before. Her lovers became just friends and then she wouldn’t even go out for coffee or dinner with them as before. Conclusion: She was becoming sexually apathetic.
Some 9 months ago she re-connected with a teen-era old flame. Went out with him, and after some prodding from me to see if it would help us by getting her some NRE, she slept with him and – long story short – fell crazy in love/lust with the guy. Initially I thought it was good news: She did not have an “incurable” problem with sex. Unfortunately for me, it seems she does have a problem with sex with me.
She went so heads-over-heels that I had to intervene to avoid our breaking up. She had, incredibly for us, broken some of our no-go rules. After some soul searching (still an ongoing process) she decided to break up with the other guy 4 months ago and try to patch up our marriage.
Despite the one glaring and potentially destructive problem with sex, We are a very happy, well matched couple. In a sense we could become a regular old asexual couple and be quite happy with that arrangement except that a) she makes me very horny, b) I really need sex with her a minimum of 2-3 times/week and (ideally 4) and c) she obviosuly enjoys sex as much as I do (just not with me).
Once we start kissing or fondling, she gets into it and enjoys it. Becomes wet and creamy until she orgasms strongly. It’s just really hard for her to initiate or to “jump-in” readily. I’m Ok ti start things going most of the time but it bugs me to have to get things rolling always. Since the “not-so-sexual-years” this unbalance has reeked of profound lack of interest in sex with me (as she later admitted) and that kills it for me.
If we didn’t love each other as we do we would have split up already. If we both had equally low drive, we could carry on “normally” (i.e. boringly). The problem is the combination of strong love and unequal desires. Ideally we’ll find a way for her to fall in lust with me before I totally tune out. If I do tune out, I will probably find other women to have sex with on my own (not as swingers) but I want to avoid that as much as possible as it will probably lead to our breaking up for real and we don’t want that.
Any thoughts?
Xela & Mike