There is something I wanted to address about setting up our profile that just wouldn’t have sounded right being filtered through Anne, my wife. What I wanted to talk about is my decision to put down bi-curious as my orientation. There is, apparently, a double standard against bi males in the lifestyle. This fact was mainly brought to my attention by articles and podcasts here on the Swingset. This actually surprised me a bit. I figured if any community would be more open to the idea, it would certainly be the swinger community.
Now, I self identify as straight, but I think Kinsey had the right of it with his scale of varying degrees of bisexuality. On that scale I would put myself as mostly straight. Anne has mentioned before how important honesty is to me. I would include honesty towards and about myself in that importance. I have been attracted to men, and sometimes the thought of being with a man turns me on. I can, however, count on one hand the number of men I have seen or met in my life that made me think, “I would jump into bed with him right now!” I have looked at gay porn for personal pleasure, but honestly that happens maybe three times a year at best. I will even admit that I have an interest in being the bottom.
All of this is something I have only ever admitted to Anne and two other people (oddly none of my gay friends are in that two). Anne and I are very open about our sex life and sexuality, especially to our friends, but still that is something I never told any of them. If I couldn’t admit that to my best friends–people I have known my whole life and trust completely–I can totally see how people in the lifestyle could also not admit it. Realistically I think the bias is probably carried over from the vanilla world where bi females and lesbians are much more accepted in popular culture. Since we are still involved in that culture I can see how men wouldn’t want to put down bi-curious even if they are interested in it. For fucks sake, Anne even admits to having a slight bias against it in our profile creation post. So the long story short is I get it. I see why there is a bias, but I don’t agree with it and certainly do not intend to propagate it.
Being who I am and having a weird a thing for being an underdog and in the minority, I put bi-curious down when on our profile. That is just how I roll. I figure if people won’t talk to us because I put bi-curious, then we probably don’t want to meet them anyways. The double standard won’t change unless people try to change it. When I get involved in something, I like to do what I can to help out and change it for the better (like writing a blog to help out other newbies). So, I put down bi-curious and am not looking back. It may not be the best way to start in the lifestyle, but it is something that holds some interest for me and, hopefully, in some small way, I am helping to change this community for the better.