Where’s The Line? – How We Play At Swinging


Mrs Double Play – An Introduction to my blog

I’m a 30-something mom living in the middle of America with kids, a career, and pretty house in the suburbs. And I have secret life as a swinger.

The theme of my life right now is transitions from newbie to a seasoned pro. I just received a high-status promotion at work that shifted me from ‘someone who has to prove themself’ to the person that the newbies now come to for advice. On a weekend getaway with my husband, I realized that we had made that same transition in the Lifestyle as well. The swinger lifestyle, that is.

After a kiddo hiatus, we’ve been back in the game for about 5 years now. We can only steal away from our vanilla lives every couple of months. But when we do have free time, we prefer to fill it with Lifestyle activities when we can—visiting swinger clubs, attending hotel takeover parties, finding likeminded couples via online sites and making plans to meet up with them and local and distant locales. We now have Lifestyle friends in cities across the United States and Canada, including Philly, Connecticut, Washington DC, Tampa, Vancouver, Houston, , Montana, and oh so many more.

During our most recent tryst to New Orleans I realized that I have a lot to say about our experiences in the lifestyle. And thus the blog begins! This blog is going to center around our journey as a seasoned soft swap couple dipping our toes (and maybe more) into more daring areas of the lifestyle.

Where’s the line?

Our first night in New Orleans, we met up with a couple that my husband found on a lifestyle website. This couple was fairly new to the lifestyle and had firm rules similar to ours about 4 years ago. They were only interested in girl-girl interaction. No interaction with the guys at all.

That’s how my husband and I began our foray the lifestyle as well—exploring girl-girl fantasies that we both shared. I didn’t mind the idea of my guy kissing and playing with girls, but I didn’t want to be expected to reciprocate. Not too many guys turned me on back then other than Mr. DoublePlay. It wasn’t why were in the lifestyle…at least to begin with.

Then my tastes and interests broadened over time. They usually do in the lifestyle. Things that seem “crazy” and “wild” eventually don’t seem quite so crazy anymore and then you look for bigger thrills. Find new firsts to do. At least we do. Slowly, now. I’m talking five years of slowly expanding to me playing with guys, DH playing with girls. We’re not full swap (yet?), not sure if we ever will be on a regular basis. (Meaning my guy’s cock is the only one in my vagina, and he doesn’t stick his in anything but mouths of gals.)

We were playing with a couple three years ago. We were very new to the lifestyle (or at least had returned after a long hiatus of having 2 kids). We met up with a full-swap couple at the very end of the evening at a hotel take over party. But I could tell they were disappointed with our girl only rules. They were sweet, though, and we had some hot playtime with this couple. But I remember the guy of the couple saying to his wife as we were trying to succinctly explain our rules, “They are just like we were 3 years ago, Honey.” And I wondered–would we ever want to full swap? I couldn’t imagine so and neither could DH.

But here we are heading down that path. Slowly. Five years of little baby steps of new experiences. Not really doing it yet, but when we play at home, it’s what we talk dirty about and what works us into a frenzy. It’s at the heart of our fantasies and given that the Lifestyle allows fantasies to be turned into reality, I think it’s only a matter of time. But even then, we know that what we love is the buildup. The touching, the kissing, the flirting, pictures, the dancing, the creativity of positions and playful banter. If that evolves into a WHOLE lot more we are thrilled as we become more seasoned veterans. But I don’t think we’ll ever be a couple that is only focused on the ‘end game’—trading partners and fucking hard, fucking rough. The whole process is important to us. At least for now.

Which gets me to wondering, are all of the different ways of swinging just part of a spectrum? As we try certain things, will we want to try more and more? Or are some things just categorically different—not things we are into. Because 4 years ago I would have said we were never going to be a full swap couple. It just wasn’t why we were in the lifestyle. It wasn’t of interest to us. Now it is. But what about the other forms of play that don’t seem to fit at all with our relationship—especially playing separately. But also anything S & M or particularly rough. Are those categorically different for us or will we find those activities up for consideration some day?


Mrs. Doubleplay is 40-something mom living in the middle of America with kids, a career, and pretty house in the suburbs. She’s active in her local church, coaches the kids’ soccer games, and happens to have a secret life as a swinger. Married to her high school sweetheart, Mr. Doubleplay, the couple dipped their toes in the lifestyle for a couple of years but then dropped off the radar to have kids. They rejoined the lifestyle in 2005 and haven’t looked back. They have been soft swap from the start but are working their way toward greater forms of adventure as we meet hot couples on lifestyle vacations, swinger clubs, and online websites.


  1. I wonder how this is true for couples who have slightly different desires or tolerances. For instance, if the wife or husband is open to full, but does not out of respect for the spouse, how does that affect the evolution of the tolerances over time?

  2. A very good question! I would hope that the more hesitant member of the couple drives the decisions to shift rules and boundaries. Otherwise I think it could lead to that hesitant member to feel pressured into doing things they don't want to do, which often is the cause for much drama and hurt feelings in the Lifestyle. AS always, having open and clear lines of communication is so very important.
    For Mr. Doubleplay and I, we have fortunately been very in sync with our interests and our limits, and he is actually more cautious than I when we finding ourselves in face to face situations. And he is usually right to be cautious–he has great judgment on such things. We have defintiely grown in our abilty as a couple to talk about our interests, wishes, and preferences when we are back home, whether it be soaking in a tub, sharing a glass of wine, riding in the car to a Lifestyle event, or listening to a Swingercast episode together! This ability to share has also helped me especially to talk more during sex as well, verbalizing what I like and want and generally expressing all of the fun that I am having, which in turn makes everything even hotter than it was before!

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