Figuring out where to swing is a tough thing. Our little town in middle America is too small. There is a bar that is rumored to be a swinger club. I have friends that won’t go there because they are afraid of… I don’t know what, a man sticking his penis up her skirt? A woman trying to kiss her in the bathroom? Mr. DoublePlay and I have been to the bar many times. We have seen nothing that would set off our Lifestyle detector. But others swear it’s happening there. Whispers continue of people putting keys in a hat and going home with whatever keys are drawn.
As a swinger myself I am skeptical about the ‘keys in a hat’ story. That is hard-core swinging. Swinging away from your partner at least to us is a huge deal. Part of me thinks that would be the least likely type of swinging to find in a small town. Then again, given how people talk, maybe it’s the only kind you will find—people who do not give a rat’s ass who knows their status.
Those are the kind of swingers that I fear. Not someone who will kiss me in the bathroom. I’d kind of like that, actually. But swingers who have no discretion themselves. Because if they have no discretion themselves, they aren’t likely to have discretion about Mr. DoublePlay and I either. And we definitely would prefer to remain discrete.
I have a co-worker who is rumored to be a swinger. I live in fear of running in to him at a club. He is just the kind that would be fine sharing his status AND mine at the next staff meeting. That would be my worst nightmare. It’s a judgmental world. Not to mention, I think part of what we like about the Lifestyle is the double life aspect of it. It keeps it sexy. Mysterious. It raises the endorphins when we feel like we’re being wild and crazy.
We used to be even more cautious. We tried to use assumed names. Tried to say we lived in another town. But it just got too hard. Especially after a couple of drinks. And really, part of the fun of the Lifestyle is talking about life—life that is broader than sex. And with too many lies that can be hard to do. Not that I talk about my kids or family or even my job much. We try to avoid the mundane. But we do talk about ourselves—in between flirting, caressing, admiring.
Sure, we’ve had our moments where our anonymous veil was punctured. Like the time I realized I was flirting with my UPS man—at a party 6 hours and state away from my home town. Go figure. Sometimes you can take all the precautions in the world and still vanilla life sneaks in. Luckily Mr. UPS is as discreet as I am. But my packages do always arrive on time.
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We are lucky in that we live in a big city with two clubs, one off-premise and one on-premise (as well as a few private parties) and feel that we can go there without fear of being outed. We did have an interesting experience of a couple who runs in our circle do the similar aged kids who figured out who we were. They had recently decided to give the LS a try, and came across our SLS profile that had one picture there that was vanilla enough that we also posted on Facebook. They put two and two together. We understood they had as much to loose as we did if the information got out so we decided to be good "swingbassadors" and introduced them to the LS. Since that first night we've had a few vanilla and LS outings with them. It's been interesting for sure, and we've had a few bumps in the road (especially when at the same vanilla events) but have figured out how to combine our two lives. We wouldn't actively seek out to convert vanillas or put ourselves out there as swingers to our friends for many of the same reasons you talk about in the blog. But one never knows what your neighbor is actually doing 😉
Been there, done that. It is a strange funny feeling to be at a vanilla event with others whom you have bedded with. lol
Mr D and I are rearranging plans for this weekend as we speak because we recognize someone on the guest list at the club we were going to attend–a colleagueof Mr D, and Mr D doesn’t think he’ll be able to enjoy his evening knowing that this guy will be in the room. Luckily we will make plans to meet this very hot couple elsewhere. Better to know now than when we get there!