While lying in bed at my girlfriend’s place, she asked in a small voice “Are you upset that we have not had sex, yet?” I gave this beautiful woman a puzzled look because I did not completely understand why she was asking me. Unfortunately, I returned her question with a question. “You do know I have a Sex Toy, right? So, why would I be upset about not having sex with you? Darling, I am dating you because I enjoy being with you and I believe you enjoy being with me. When it’s time to have sex, we will. For now, I am fine.”
After this conversation, I realized that my sex toy is a very vital part of my dating life. My Sex Toy (many times a submissive whose main duty is to satisfy the dominants sexual appetite) is Latin American with a very strong personality and a healthy libido. Usually, we see each other 2-3 times a week depending on schedules and our appetite. We met on Craig’slist about five years ago and started having sex because we were both in long distance relationship. I had a very real conversation with my boyfriend and told him that I refused to give up having sex just because he was not in the same state. Therefore, we agreed to feed our sexual appetites as we saw fit but we still only loved each other. I started my journey into BDSM (bondage/sado-masochism) about 2.5 years ago and told my sex toy that he did not need to participate in any way with this side of my life but I wanted him to be aware in case he saw a spreader bar or rope or flogger laying around the apartment. He did not express his interest until he saw me with my pet and started to ask to be tied up. But when I asked him about it, he was reluctant to say “Yes, tie me up.” I consulted my pro-dom (professional dominants are paid to do domination/submission scenes with customers) friends and their advice was to just do it without the question because he was interested but did not want to be given a choice. I tied his hands in a simple wrist restraint pattern that he freed himself from during sex. And TA-DA my Sex Toy was born.
Now that I am dating again, he feeds my constant need for sex as he did before. But this time, it relieves any pressure from me to have sex with someone I am dating. I know tons of friends who have “gone back to the ex” just for sexual satisfaction. Those moments always seem to generate disappointment and heartache. There are other situations where the date’s only objective is to “get laid” or someone feels obligated to “give them some” because they went out together or it was a nice date. My Sex Toy frees me from all that. I never need to have sex with anyone including those that I have a relationship with. I can enjoy being with them and act on sexual desires only when I want to. Sex can be a beautiful connection with the right person or persons but when it does not derive organically it can breed regret and discomfort.
I cannot recommend that everyone go out and get a Sex Toy. It took a long time and lots of conversations/disagreements to get to this stage with him. It was not an easy transition for our sexual relationship to a BDSM bedroom relationship while I was being my dating life. The best rule of thumb for any relationship is honest communication. My Sex Toy knows that he will never be my primary or one of the men I am dating but he is aware that he has a place in my life that I appreciate.
