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Q. My boyfriend and I are very open in and out of the bedroom and I'm very into anal play and I'm trying to turn him onto it. I've never tried prostate massage on a partner but I've done lots of reading and we've talked and he said he's willing to try it and I want it to be a wonderful experience for both of us because I think we will both be really into it. Any advice for a newbie and any recommendations for toys? Thanks in advance.
Jenna
A. My recommendation, since he is cool with trying, is you don't focus on doing any insertion at the beginning since it can be the most intimidating part of anal play, and there's a lot of other things to enjoy before you get to insertion. While you're going down on him, lube up your thumb and give him a “taint” massage, pressing deep into his taint before moving down to his anus and rubbing gently in a circle. The lube will really make this feel great, and before you know it, he'll likely be pushing against your thumb which can be slowly and gradually inserted. Let him do the thrusting. If he's enjoying himself, he certainly will.
Another wonderful feeling thing you can do is a rimjob. Running your tongue in a circle on and around the anus can be so wonderful to feel. If you have any concerns about taste or comfort level, you can always add a flavored lube or an oral barrier.
Once you get to insertion, the big key with anal play is a gel type lube. Thinner lubes work great vaginally or for masturbation because there it's all about the slide, while gel lubes really help, well, lubricate a tight space.
Number two is don't be afraid to start very slowly, a pinky finger inside is an excellent beginning, and if the words “is it in” are ever uttered, you know that more can be handled.
Most people when they buy their first butt plug go with something very small, thinking that they can't handle more. In reality, the skinny and small plugs (the size of a finger) don't do what they should be doing, which is filling the rectum with a dip where the sphincter can close to hold them. After fingers i'd recommend looking for what he thinks is the largest plug he can accommodate, and then getting the next larger one.
Beyond that, when you get to the advanced classes of pegging or dildos, it's all about comfort level and pushing yourself just a little bit. It's a scary thing for many at the beginning, but has rapidly become one of my favorite sexual activities.
And once you get to the point where he's ready for his own toys, might I recommend the Nexus Vibro and the amazing plugs from nJoy
And for a bit more about anal play, our good friend Jason Stotts has some advice over on his site Erosophia.
Hope that helps,
Coop
