Author: Harper Eliot

I’ll be honest; it’s been a long, taxing, emotionally exhausting four days and as concerns interesting writing topics my head is completely empty. So forgive me while I fill six hundred words with aspirations and wishes. If you’re lucky you might at least learn a little something about yours truly. Just an hour or so ago I was in the car with my Mum and my brother. My brother got a call from his girlfriend and after a few minutes conversation he put the phone down, sighed dramatically, and asked, somewhat jokingly, “What do women want?” Don’t worry; I’m not…

Coming out to my friends and family about being non-monogamous has posed a very singular problem for me. Not a big one, granted, but an odd difficulty. I am not the kind of person who talks about herself easily; or rather, I can talk about myself for hours if given a good excuse, but I am unlikely to offer up information about myself unless I’m quite specifically asked for it. And this is, generally, true for the rest of my family as well. We don’t celebrate our triumphs with great gusto, or mourn our losses together; we’re a rather independent…

It was over the weekend, whilst writing a blog post, that I realised I have pretty much stopped dating. This isn’t a decision I’ve made, but something that has just happened. Or, rather, stopped happening. I was writing an article about the things I look for in a potential partner, considering the deal-breakers versus the bonus points, when I stopped for a moment and stepped back; I counted on my fingers and figured out that the last time I went on a first date with someone I thought could possibly become a primary partner was mid January. This whole realisation…

The first time I fell in love, I was sixteen. He was nerdy, geeky, emo but without the eye-make-up and with reasonably good cause. He became my best friend for a while, although my ardent desire to have him as my other half was unrequited. I always respected him for taking care of my heart even though he couldn’t return my love. There was a time before that, practically sandbox love, when I watched another friend sleep in the tent we were sharing – our families on holiday together – and imagined kissing him between his shoulder blades. It was…

The various forms and facets of non-monogamy are often on my mind. Perhaps it’s all the podcasts I listen to and all the blogs I read. Or perhaps it’s because I have only identified as non-monogamous for five months, which is not a long time when it comes to something so significant. Either way, since the beginning of 2013, non-monogamy has been close to my thoughts at all times. In my mind, I sort non-monogamy into three main categories: swinging, open, and polyamory. However, I also view non-monogamy as a sliding scale. There are so many degrees of variation, and…

Last Friday night, having finished all my exams, I hopped on a coach and headed South to play at being a good little unicorn for the weekend. Some celebrate with alcohol; I celebrate with threesomes. As we sat in traffic, slowly inching out of the city, I plugged into the rather large back catalogue of podcasts that had been piling up whilst I was in revision hell, and pressed play. It wasn’t long before I was listening to Dan Savage give advice to a sweet sounding unicorn – slang for girls who sleep with couples – who was wondering whether…

Between studying and dating and various artistic pursuits, the past few months have mostly been dedicated to planning for September. After what looks to be a very long, idle, penniless summer, I will be starting a new job, and going into the third year of my degree, whilst maintaining blogs, podcasts, and editing positions, and actually trying to get some more fiction published; and all this before I even think about seeing friends, or moving house! (which is definitely the next big thing in the pipeline). I am incredibly excited. I love all the things I do, and I take…

It has always been my view that when you decide to pursue a new relationship, you should be in as stable, and clean a position as possible. This applies to both monogamy and non-monogamy. With the former, if you’re still shattered and depressed from a break-up, chances are you’re not bringing your best self to the table. With the latter, if your other relationships are in a bit of a state, it might not be the best idea to bring someone new into it. Of course, there are exceptions, and sometimes we make connections we feel we need to pursue,…

So. I have met a man who won’t get involved with me, sexually, unless I am in a relationship with someone else first. Now, I am all for non-monogamous-positivity, but this seems like a step too far! I mean, if everyone felt like this, there would be no way of transitioning to non-monogamy at all! We have to start somewhere! But it got me thinking about a couple of things. If there are people who need a partner to be monogamous and committed to them, there must also be people who need a partner to have other people in his/her…

Recently, I made a new friend. Well, friend, lover, whatever you want to call him, we make each other laugh and we share very similar kinks, so that’s all good. There are limitations on how intimate we can be, but overall, we’re enjoying one another’s company. A couple of days ago, we were talking, and at some point in the conversation I felt I needed to tell him that I am in love with someone else. It wasn’t something I was hiding – in fact, I’d barely thought about it since we’ve become friends as the other man has been…