Author: Kat Stark

I’m having a rough time with non-monogamy right now. There are certainly highlights and bright spots, and it seems ridiculously privileged to be complaining, but overall, there has a been a whole lot of stress and pain mixed in with the pleasure recently. Most of last year, I went through a great stretch where I had multiple friends with benefits (FWBs), none of whom I saw very often, but I was seeing someone regularly, sometimes two or three different dates a week. Due to various circumstances and the impermanence of relationships, most of those ended. I have two FWBs currently,…

I want it in the butt. Or, more accurately, I want to want it in the butt. Anal has always been a huge obsession of mine; my porn of choice has almost always been anal, I’ve written a ton of gay male slash fic centred on anal sex, and I’m a huge fan of pegging. Anal is something that has fascinated and excited me ever since I knew it was a thing. Problem is, I don’t enjoy receiving it. Like most people, my introduction to anal wasn’t ideal. When my first boyfriend suggested it, I didn’t know of any reason…

I was lucky enough to travel to San Francisco to attend my paramour Wes’s birthday party, which took place in the form of a sensual and erotic formal dinner, followed by a play party. It was one of the most liberating and sexy experiences I’ve had other than Desire Resort & Spa. Being in that huge space, surrounded by like-minded individuals, indulging in amazing food, wine, and then all kinds of touch was an outstanding experience. The event was run by Our Gourmet Life , and those of you who have seen the film Marriage 2.0 would recognize the space…

I’m beautiful. It feels incredibly wrong to say this out loud or in print. Growing up it was a lesson carved deep that it wasn’t something you could say about yourself. It was for other people to tell you you were pretty or beautiful, changing to sexy or hot as we got older, but attractiveness was not something you got to claim for yourself. If you were anything but self-deprecating about your appearance, you were–gasp!–egotistical and vain. Many of the messages we received in this were in the schoolyard where girls who were aware of their good looks were looked…

Regardless of relationship style, one of the scariest things about letting people through our elaborately constructed barriers and façades is letting them see the ‘real’ us.   We put on a show, especially in the beginning of relationships, presenting our most together and balanced selves, and doing our best to hide the pieces we consider negative and undesirable.Yet we don’t begin truly to know a person until we get to see their broken and their flawed. Usually we don’t like/love them despite those things but because of them.They are the pieces that make someone real. I recently saw someone I…

I seem to have lost my kink. Until recently, I was loving that impact play and bondage were somewhat regular parts of my sexual repertoire but over the past couple months, that excitement has been replaced with disinterest and even some dread and disgust. What? I don’t want to be THAT person! I have no easy explanation as to what changed for me. There’s no specific incident, certainly nothing traumatic, that explains why my desires and what I considered sexy and enthusiastic yesses shifted so much for me. I can’t pinpoint the change happening, but the shift in my brain…

I was extraordinarily fortunate to get to live one of my fantasies recently when to celebrate my birthday, our girlfriend Iris threw me a women-only gangbang–a ladybang, as it came to be known. She’d heard me talking excitedly about wanting to get gangbanged on Episode 249 of Life On the Swingset: The Podcast and offered to throw one for me. Hells yeah! Iris and I asked around to various women we know to see who might be interested in such shenanigans and were able to gather a group of five adventurous souls who were down to fuck me senseless. The delightful…

I often think that I’m not a jealous person because I feel such intense compersion when Flick is connecting with someone else in a sexy environment or when he’s fucking someone else, either in front of me or on a date. Hitting the 18-month mark on our non-monogamous relationship has taught me about a few jealous triggers that still get me. Curse you, green-eyed monster! I was so smug that I’d beaten you. Turns out you don’t go down without a real fight. When Flick is fucking or interacting sexually with a new partner, I’m so on board. Makes me…

The act of pegging entered my consciousness in the late 90s with the release of Bend Over Boyfriend by Shar Rednour. It was so deviant. So transgressive. I wanted in! (Pun so intended.) Picturing myself bending Flick over our bed and fucking him, I even went to the local feminist sex toy store and bought myself a lovely leather harness. I figured we’d pick out the dildo together. Flick was alas, not so interested in taking a dildo up the ass, despite enjoying my tongue and finger. “But your prostate…” I argued. He was not convinced. Fast forward approximately 17…

A recent trip to Portland to see a favourite long distance play partner found me in the midst of a giant play party linked to the local polyamory conference. I was very nervous about the party because I’d never been to anything like it before and I would also be attending with Will rather than Flick. Several days before I headed south I’d awoken to a feeling of dread and panic about the party but after talking through it with Will, I felt calmer and ready to tackle the challenge. Creeping into my brain regularly was the failure at the…