Author: Kat Stark

Iris was unexpected. Over our first year in an open relationship, Flick and I had found a groove. We’d each figured out the kinds and styles of relationships we were looking for and met some amazing partners. As so often happens when you think you’ve got everything figured out, everything changes. We have a girlfriend. I never expected for us to have a girlfriend. We are absolutely not that couple who opened up in order to find their perfect unicorn and live happily ever after as three. I have my lovers locally and some wonderful long distance partners scattered across…

One of the most surprising things to me as I began exploring non-monogamy last year, particularly the swinger lifestyle, was the amount of rampant sexism flowing through the community. I’d expected that a group that had shrugged off the societal rules of marriage = monogamy would be far less willing to embrace the sexist gender roles and rules shoved down our throats at every turn. I know. Feminism, such a fun topic. And believe me, I feel like a killjoy discussing that rather than my umpteenth threesome this month, or the hot young man who nailed me through the mattress…

We met so many amazing people at the Swingset Takes Desire trip in November, yet very few of them live anywhere near us on the wetcoast. We were thrilled to find out that Wes and Raina, a couple we clicked with very well at Desire Resort and Spa, were coming to Seattle, only a couple hours away from us. Hooray! After having an intense connection when we met, Wes and I had been texting almost daily, having Skype dates when we could, and building a poly relationship. I occasionally panic at how quickly things have progressed, but really like him,…

“being bisexual and having different feelings when ur attracted to guys than when u are to girls is so hard to explain bc being attracted to a guy is like “ah” and being attracted to a girl is like “oo” but that doesn’t make any sense to anyone but me” – http://decaheda.tumblr.com/post/124272551727/being-bisexual-and-having-different-feelings-when I don’t know how to flirt with women. From what I understand, this is a very typical experience for pan/bisexual women who have mostly dated men. Our heteronormative sex and dating lives don’t teach us the skills to connect with women beyond friendship. Everything we’re exposed to in…

“So what have you been up to?” “Oh, you know. Work, the usual…” I had dinner scheduled with a close vanilla friend and the thought of having to have this conversation yet again filled me with dread. I couldn’t do it anymore and after much agonizing decided I had to come out to her about the change in Flick’s and my relationship. Flick and I have been keeping our non-monogamous status mostly to ourselves over the past year, but I hate keeping a piece of me locked away from people I really care about. It drove our conversations to a superficial…

Recently, I’ve been exploring a little more into the realm of polyamory, rather than the Friends With Benefits (sexyfriends) relationships I’ve primarily had since Flick and I opened our relationship just over a year ago. I was looking for a little more connection than I was getting from my sexyfriends, but in a classic case of careful what you wish for I’m finding it…stressful. There are so many awesome things about a closer connection with my partners. I really like chatting daily and knowing the minutia of what they’re up to. I dig being part of their lives rather than…

Read part 1 here. Read part 2 here. In the afterglow of Friday afternoon’s sexytimes with Will, I spent a little time packing and getting things organized. Our airport shuttle was arriving exceedingly early in the morning and that ‘final night’ mentality was kicking in hard. How on earth was I going to go back to real life after this? We had a dinner date planned with Raina & Wes but were delightfully surprised when Mal and Peach were the other two sitting at the 6-person teppanyaki bar with us. After dinner, Raina, Wes, Flick, and I went back to our…

Read Part 1 here. Wednesday was a tough day. I’d been pretty shaken by the previous night, but did my best to bounce back. I was also really sick by this point and had barely slept the entire trip (I get terrible insomnia when I travel). I had some sort of digestive bug before I’d even left home, and being in Mexico did NOT help matters. I was very excited about the events of the day — pegging demo and flogging demo — so I took a bunch of medicine and rallied to keep going. After the pegging demo I…

Ah, Swingset takes Desire.  It’s so hard to articulate what an experience it was, even after being home for over a month. I remember reading about last year’s trip before signing on for this year and thinking it couldn’t really be the life-changing experience people touted it as being. I read the #ssdesire hashtag on Twitter and saw all the people who didn’t want to cut off their wristbands from the resort. ‘It’s just a vacation,’ I thought to myself. ‘Get over it.’ I was that person this year. At the risk of sounding like a shill for the company…

One of the events I was most excited for at the Swingset Takes Desire was the High School Play Party. We’ve been to a few swinger events at local clubs, but have not yet met a crew of people who do play parties the way my friends in other cities have described them. Adding the element of the high school games like spin the bottle was a fun twist and we were down to get down. The rules were first bottle match meant chaste mouth kiss, second match was frenching, third match you went into the shower stall near the…