Author: Devin Kent

After Potential Stallion (PS) and I attended our first lifestyle takeover event together (read “Party Time, Excellent?” here), I took some time to think everything through. Even though I would say that our outing was largely successful, my brain was still buzzing with many things that bothered me about our experience, especially as the glow of the fun we had dimmed and reality set in. Throughout the night, I observed PS charming my friends, which should be a good thing, right? Yes and no. While I was happy that he got along with everyone, I felt like he was very…

While away on vacation overseas, and probably severely jet lagged, I decided to invite my potential stallion (PS) to a Lifestyle hotel takeover party occurring shortly after my return. Why do I keep doing things against my initial instincts with him? I’d told myself that I needed to pull back some, but we’d been on a very good run over the last several weeks- fun impromptu dates, amazing sex, he’d met some of my friends, I randomly met some of his family, he brought me a plant, and more amazing sex. I think all of the endorphins and pheromones from…

Read Part 1 here. Our first two times together were very good. Besides being a great kisser, he was quite skilled with oral as well. A little rough when I reciprocated (SO.MUCH.GAGGING. uh…I would like to be able to talk tomorrow without a sore throat, sir!), but it was very hot. And I’m an overachiever, so if I start a job, I’m going to finish it! However, as to be expected, there was a bit of lingering awkwardness that sometimes comes from getting to know someone for the first time and their likes and dislikes. I tend to orgasm a…

After a hiatus, I’ve been contemplating my return to the Lifestyle with a partner. Has the reluctant unicorn finally found a stallion with whom to gallop through the fields? Maybe. But like all things, this situation is a little complicated. A few months ago, I met a guy online, on a (vanilla) dating site. He was handsome, charming, smart and funny (and tall, which being 5’10, is rather important). We began chatting a bit, and I felt good about how things were going. He asked for my Instagram name, which I gave him, and his next question was, “So, how…

A great deal has happened since I last wrote a piece here- most significantly, I divorced my husband.  While the reason we separated had a great deal to do with sex, the Lifestyle had little to do with our split. Unlike some couples, the Lifestyle probably kept us together longer than we would have been without it. Although we never really played much beyond my being with other women and the (very) occasional soft-swap, we developed a wonderful network of friends, had an amazing social life, and really embraced the sense of community that the Lifestyle provided. Unfortunately, that wasn’t…

Last weekend, a Lifestyle girlfriend of mine came to visit with one of her vanilla, recently divorced friends. The friend (we’ll call her Tina) was curious about the Lifestyle, just out of a 20-year marriage, and wanted to go out and have some fun. Turns out, there was a big LS party going on that weekend! Although I knew that my girlfriend would enjoy the party, I was a little nervous about Tina attending with us. Apparently, she had been very sheltered throughout her life, but she was ready to try new things, experiment, and have fun. Well, nothing says fun like a LS party, right?

As educated, upwardly mobile, physically fit African-Americans, we’d both dealt with racial insensitivity throughout our lives. As the Lifestyle is generally just a microcosm of society in general, we weren’t necessarily surprised when those same types of experiences carried over to our Lifestyle lives as well.

With all of the lifestyle parties, social gatherings, monthly girls wine parties and the like, my husband and I occasionally ask ourselves, do we have any normal friends left? Should we seek out more vanilla friends for some sense of balance, or should we just enjoy that we are fully integrated into the lifestyle community and relish the friends that we’ve made here over the years?

Maybe this is our comfort zone- girl/girl and semi-soft swap. Maybe we will. Maybe we’ll even “graduate” to full-swap one day.