I tend to fall in love fast. Not necessarily hard, but definitely fast. I knew this about myself, but had honestly forgotten until Anne and I got into the lifestyle. After all, we had been happily dating/married for nine or so years before getting into the lifestyle, I was not actively seeking another life partner. I still wouldn’t say I am. Anne initially said she was interested in exploring polyamory if she found someone she had feelings for. I have stated before that polyamory freaks me out and, honestly, it still does.
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I ended my last blog with a question: What are some reasons that couples take a break from swinging? Over dinner with the Wonderfuls, we learned their answer – they were not stepping toward monogamy again. Instead, they had stepped in the opposite direction toward polyamory.
It is inevitable. We are all different, unique, and individual creatures with our own hopes, goals, dreams, desires, and ambitions. It is not inconceivable that the situation and relationships that work great for us now, soon begin to lose their luster, and the shine fades. The relationship may simply become too complicated. When your relationships are plural, this is ever more real a possibility.
I have long stated that I was bi-curious, but had been reluctant to act on it for a few reasons. The main one being that Anne was not sure how comfortable she was with it. She has long known I have felt this way, but until we got into the Lifestyle there was really no reason for her to actually think about seeing me do it. Anne never said I couldn’t, but requested time to process the idea. I was in no hurry. So she got her time.
The prompt for this post was a misunderstanding between myself and a local member of the sex-positive community. He posted a status update on a social networking site stating that he was “seek[ing] bisexual, poly switch. Must be decisive, consistent and not fear commitment.” I re-posted his statement on my Twitter account, thinking to myself, “Wow. That actually sounds a whole lot like what I’m looking for.” I was surprised to see words that I found so very apt coming out of someone else’s mouth – or, I suppose, fingers. I was pleased and impressed.
BDSM is a great, big, wide world. It can be scary, intimidating, cruel (and not in a fun way), cold and defiant. It takes a great deal of patience, self-discipline and strength to pursue this lifestyle. You should definitely be comfortable with who you are as a person, and where you fit before you delve too deeply into it. The base line in all of your relationships should be always be trust.
I’m approaching the end of my first year in the Lifestyle and have lately been thinking about what I’ve learned along the way.
I have to confess that my motivation for giving this a try was purely physical. I’m a single, 40+ woman with the sex drive of a teenage boy. I just wasn’t getting laid often enough. I’d like to be able to say that’s changed, but frequency – or rather infrequency – has been one of my greatest disappointments about the Lifestyle.
Last year recently after starting the lifestyle and learning a lot more about all the fabulous sex toys that exist in the world Anne and I decided to exchanged toys for Xmas. After all, why should you stop finding toys under the tree on Xmas morning just because you grew up? This year we continued are newly founded tradition and upped the spending limit because the year had been good to us in my ways than one. We bought each other two toys this year instead of just one.
Our family hosted the a visit from Mr. and Mrs. Wonderful and family this weekend. As has proven true in previous blogs, a visit from the Wonderfuls always stretches my conceptions of the lifestyle. The good part about their visits is that they always seem to cause Mr. Doubleplay and I to have some honest conversations about our vision of our marriage. The bad part is that these conversations seem to arise because the Wonderfuls stir emotions that I didn’t know I had. And they aren’t always positive emotions. Instead they tend to make me feel twisty and perplexed.
Lets face it. Anyone that spends any amount of time on the Swingset is bound to encounter people that are interested in you or your partner sexually, when the same is not returned by one or both of you. Even vanillas deal with this, but only have to consider their personal feelings. We have our significant others to think about as well. Chemistry is a must. The attraction need not be physical necessarily, mental attraction is a powerful thing as well. Regardless of what it is that attracts the two of you, it must be there or things are just not gonna work out.