SS 83: The Pick-Up In Non Monogamy with Cunning Minx


The Pick-up, we discuss vanilla pick-up culture briefly while moving into how to be picked up, how to message people online, and meeting people in real life. The concept of a codex, or a user manual (RTFM!) for potential hookups and dating partners to use comes up and we spend a lot of time figuring out what goes into it and what it actually means.

While we lose a Ginger this episode, we pick up a Cunning Minx and have a great time!



Show Notes:

Minx's User Manual

Cunning Minx on Twitter

Polyamory Weekly

Join the Swingset crew at Desire Resort & Spa from November 3-10, 2012!


A podcast about swinging, polyamory, open relationships, and "the lifestyle" from the trenches. A diverse group tackles many issues involved with non-monogamy and what it means to be a swinger or polyamorous from the point of view of educating and illuminating what, for many, is a confusing journey to start on. Subscribe on iTunes Subscribe on Stitcher Subscribe via RSS


  1. RunSilent RunDeep on

    Married straight male in the Midwest, here. Not a swinger, but poly. (waves to Cunning Minx, to whose podcast I have been listening for *years*!)

    What a wonderful interview! The tangents were as much fun as the main discussions!

    I do have a question about the discussion on OK Cupid, though. Someone said that OKC has a relationship category named “discreet.” I agree that this sounds a lot like “cheating,” which (I agree) would be a deal killer.

    However … to double check, I just went over to OKC. Couldn’t find that as a relationship category. Did “discreet” *used* to be a relationship category?

    By the way — ladies, thank you (each of you) for explaining why it matters when you get flooded with messages from strangers. OKC has filters to limit people’s ability to IM. But it has no adequate filters to limit guys’ ability to send messages. Which puts a woman on the bottom of a non-consensual scrum pile of guys’ messages.

    This is probably the greatest systemic fundamental problem with on line dating sites. I have accounts with 5 sites (including Kasadie). So far I have met no one who is on any of those sites, through those sites. The only thing I have experienced is to encounter someone on a site whom I had *already* met, face to face, through local in-person social networks.

    When I message *these* friends, to say hi, I can usually get an answer. When I message other women? An “over the transom” message is likely to have a response rate of, oh, 20%. If that.

    And, again, none of those sites has adequate filters to limit guys’ ability to send messages to women. Well, except for “levels of membership,” that is, requiring the guy to have paid for “silver” or “gold” (or whatever) membership. About which, Kasidie’s version of the “Nein, nein, nein!” clipping was more eloquent than I could ever possibly say.

    Again, thanks for the show. I enjoyed it very much!

  2. Shira and cunningminx were annoyingly coy and disingenous this show.


    “I have 76 un-read messages on OKC.”

    “Well, I have 174 un-read messages on OKC.”

    Okay, you are social media figures, so it makes sense for you to have OKC profiles. I get that. But guess what… could have explained thats why you maintain profiles instead of complaining about how guilty you feel for not checking your mail. Then you should stop whining and check your mail and set up a automatic response. Jeez.

    If you live by social media you should not be shirking the responsibilities of your on-line self.


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