Mentoring in the Swinging Lifestyle


Mentoring in the Swinging LifestyleLiving in the middle of nowhere, it is rare to find a hot couple close to home. As such, I admit to having a lot more patience with local hot newbie couples than I tend to have at a club or weekend away to a sexy place.

We courted one such young, newbie couple for a few months. Our first few “dates” were just drinks. And we didn’t even really talk about anything sexy. They were skittish, questioning, worried. I didn’t think anything would come of those meetings. But they were very cool people. Cool enough that I invited them to my vanilla birthday bash, and they handled the event with candor and charm. We met this couple again at a couple of lifestyle events. Did a little flirting but not much. We had dinner again with vanilla conversation. I began to consider them vanilla folks who were lifestyle curious.

Then after six months or so, I guess they were ready to take the leap. Mr. Doubleplay traded some texts with Mr. Young Thing that were of a more serious nature. He shared that they were up for “anything,” but prefer “lots of space” when playing with couples. They don’t want to be piled on top of one another. Okay, I reasoned. It sounds like they have figured out what they like in the lifestyle. They had some very clear wishes!

We met for drinks that night and then suggested that we Priceline a hotel room. Team Doubleplay brought drinks, music, condoms, break-the-ice sex games. We were good hosts, I thought. They appreciated all of our gifts. We played the ice breaker game. I took my top off quickly. Turn up the energy, I thought. That definitely worked. We paired off quickly with some hot kissing. But after that moment, I think we failed as lifestyle mentors.

First, I was lacking some key information. I thought from Mr. Young Thing’s post that they had some experience. I was painfully trying to honor his requests. Keep separate from the other couple was his main request. But in reality, they were completely new to all of this swinging business. We should have realized that they didn’t know what hot would be.

So here is how the evening progressed. Mr. Doubleplay was HOT for Ms. Young Thing. Very hot for her. And she was aching for him. They had amazing, explosive, over the top fantastic sex. She had multiple organisms. He was clearly on another planet. Chemistry was amazing. Hurray!

Mr. Young Thing on the other hand was struggling. He was getting in his head. He was in sensory overload with all that he was seeing with his wife. And the poor guy clearly felt a lot of pressure. As a result, we had a disappointing evening, he and I. And I feel terrible about it. Mr. Young Thing became fixated, and eventually panciked about getting an erection. He was trying way too hard. And I felt badly so I tried to help. But once it becomes about the erection, it is game over. And darn it, this night was his first swinger experience. It is supposed to be fun!

Mr. Doubleplay admits he was being a bit selfish. He just didn’t want to give up an evening that maybe rarer in the lifestyle than the unicorn—popping the swinger cherry of a beautiful, sex-hungry woman. And it was hot, hot, hot. And as I tell him in such situations, don’t stop when you are having a wonderful time even if I am not. Please continue!

But in hindsight, we feel like perhaps we plundered when we should have mentored. For a brief time, I engaged in some girl play with Ms. Young Thing. Her husband reflected later that he didn’t realize just how sexy that would be to watch. But it was clear Mr. Doubleplay wanted to get back to some of the most amazing sex he had experienced in a long time.

If we were to do it over, I would have started with a long, teasing girl show. I would have invited the boys over to join in. I would have kept it as a foursome, not as a split up situation. And at the slightest inkling that Mr. Young Thing was having anxiety issues, we should have switched back to our home couples so that they could regroup. And only then if Mr. Young Thing wanted more space would we then separate more. But I’m guessing he would choose to stay closer.

I hope to have another chance with these darlings. And I know Mr. Doubleplay does.


Mrs. Doubleplay is 40-something mom living in the middle of America with kids, a career, and pretty house in the suburbs. She’s active in her local church, coaches the kids’ soccer games, and happens to have a secret life as a swinger. Married to her high school sweetheart, Mr. Doubleplay, the couple dipped their toes in the lifestyle for a couple of years but then dropped off the radar to have kids. They rejoined the lifestyle in 2005 and haven’t looked back. They have been soft swap from the start but are working their way toward greater forms of adventure as we meet hot couples on lifestyle vacations, swinger clubs, and online websites.


  1. I live in the middle of nowhere (Central Maine).

    Things are very conservative here. A lot of people listen to K-Love, just to give you an idea. We are so far from metropolitan centers that have like-minded people.

    I just know there’s got to be people like us around here, but they’re so hard to find.

    One thing we are considering is hosting a sex-party. I have no idea how to start that sort of thing. It would have to be extremely anonymous. Anybody else into this lifestyle would feel the same pressure as we do to keep it all on the DL.

    I would love some mentoring on how to get something like that started. How to get the word out the right people, and how to screen people. I have no idea what I’m doing, but I know this is the lifestyle for me. I’ve known for a while, I’m just having trouble finding other people to live with me.

    P.S. My wife has no problem finding men to be a part of such things. It’s the women that are hard to find!

  2. What game(s) did you play/bring? We’ve been looking for good icebreakers/mood setters for meetings outside of clubs.

  3. Mr D and I are big fans of the card game Swingset. In fact we have used it so much that a newbie couple commented that our deck seemed “welll worn” so I guess we should get another one. In a pinch we also use Adult Wheel of Fortune on the iPhone. That too works well for getting things started.

    • And lately I just take my top off. That seems to work well also, LOL! But if that us not enough then the game sets the mood

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