Moving In, Moving On – Becoming a Poly Household


Moving In, Moving On - Becoming a Poly HouseholdIn October, we were forced to leave our apartment and seek a different housing situation. This was a huge disruption to our life as it was (we expected to have until December, the natural ‘end' of our lease) but fortunately, we were already looking for a new place to live… a place that would be big enough for Ark and I, plus Dawn.

I've spoken before of wanting to live in a poly household—and now, basically, that is what we have. I can float between bedrooms (I don't have my own room at this point). We share the expenses and chores of keeping a house. Our cats mingle (for the most part). And best of all, both of my full-time loves are in the same place as me. “Home” is the same place for all of us.

Moving in together was both kind of a big deal, and not. Dawn still has her own separate space, so if she wants to be alone, she can be. But at the same time, moving in with someone you've been dating for less than a year is risky, and even though I was thrilled to have her with me every day, I was worried that she would feel too crowded and decide it wasn't a good living situation for her. I was also worried that Ark, having to face my relationship with Dawn every day, and my sleeping in a different bed more often, would revert back to his angry, jealous self from the early days of our poly explorations.

Fortunately, it seems like we got all of the good with none of the bad. We all coexist here happily. It's—quite literally, for me—a dream come true.

The year ended with a few other surprises. I kind of “came out” to most of my family, primarily by friending them on Facebook and not hiding anything (kind of a pussy way to come out, but it was quiet and subtle, and I like that). Dawn came with Ark and I to visit my grandmother and to visit Ark's parents. I actually introduced her to my father-in-law, saying, “This is my girlfriend.” It may not sound like much, but for me, it took a lot of balls (figuratively speaking, of course). I'm lucky and blessed that none of this blew up in our faces!

I even brought Dawn to my cousin's wedding, as my date. I kissed her and held her hand and we danced, surrounded by my family, probably people who, before that point, weren't quite certain what exactly was going on. I'm not entirely sure all of them know what's going on at all, but they'll figure it out.

It seems, though, that the people who do know that Dawn and I are ‘together' have accepted it and have accepted her as part of the family. This is an amazing relief on my part and a huge joy to Dawn. (Upon meeting my aunt for the first time, and sitting around listening to us all talk, Dawn exclaimed, “Your family are all geeks!”) I have always felt warm and safe cocooned in my family's presence, and I feared that these changes would push them away. I'm so glad that it hasn't.

It hasn't been all roses, of course. While Ark, Dawn and I are finally living in happiness, people on the outside of our relationship have their doubts. Though Ark says he and I are doing great and we're happy, there are some people who just won't believe him. Some have been my family members, and some have even expressed that they think my sexual orientation is just a phase that I'll outgrow. (Really, to me, it feels as though heterosexuality is something I've outgrown.) I'm going to keep smiling, going to keep doing what I'm doing though—my relationships are my responsibility and my business, and what other people think isn't important. I know Ark is happy because I make sure he's happy. Isn't that what love's all about?


mad culinary scientist. curious voyeur. aimless wanderer. geek, nerd, procrastinator. panromantic polyamorous pagan. bdsm switch. refuses to adhere to any of your silly preconceptions.

1 Comment

  1. “I kind of “came out” to most of my family, primarily by friending them on Facebook and not hiding anything (kind of a pussy way to come out, but it was quiet and subtle, and I like that).”

    I like that as well. Whilst some things may be a big deal, they don’t need any big drama. Changing things on Facebook is how I came out as an erotic writer too. And I changed my relationship status to “in an Open relationship”. I think this way works well; highlighting the important stuff without shoving it in anyone’s face. If they care to know, they can easily find out.

    I’m so glad things are going well for you! Change can be risky, but it sounds like it’s paying off.

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