Learning to Fly – A Year on the Swingset

It’s been one year since I first joined the Swingset crew as a writer. It turns out my official anniversary is in January if you count my very first correspondence with Cooper. Oddly enough the 1-year anniversary of his response to my Pleasure Quest email was the same day as the play party I attended so we unintentionally spent that anniversary together. It took me a while to get those first posts to him so my first article did not publish until today.

So this is the one-year anniversary of my writing debut. A year since I tweeted I was doing the type of thinking you do on the top of a cliff w/ DaVinci-esque wings strapped on that you're sure will allow you to fly if you just jump. A year since I decided I would make an attempt at learning to fly.

It all started when Prof prompted Cooper to ask listeners to help him find an ejaculating silicone dildo. I was convinced I could find this product for him. Unfortunately it was not to be found but I sent all my research in a 1500 word email. The next day I was shocked to get an instant message request from Cooper. In my panic I didn’t remember that the person is actually at the other end ready to chat when you accept. An IM appeared from Cooper. I panicked and signed out. A little later I got over my fear and we had a brief chat where I was invited to write for the Swingset. My answer was an enthusiastic, if terrified, yes!

I thought had a neat new hobby. I had no idea how much my life was going to change.

In the months that past I managed to keep coming up with article ideas and really enjoyed the experience. Before all this I had made the decision to go to OpenSf, mostly to find the community I was lacking here in LA. As more and more of my articles were published I started to realize I couldn’t go just as my real world self. I would have to go as Technogeisha. And, as Cooper kept reminding me, I wasn’t just a fan anymore I was part of the Swingset Team.

OpenSF was an eye opening experience. I had an amazing time with everyone on the Swingset. Although I spent a majority of it like a frightened mouse cowering in a corner unable to introduce myself to anyone. I still managed to make many new friends with whom I try desperately, but often failingly, to keep in touch with through social media. I made connections that would become important a few months later. I left there feeling an intense amount of emotions. A whole new world was opened up to me but I was not sure exactly how to move forward into it.

I spent the summer cast a drift trying to figure out my next move. I kept writing for Swingset and branched out to few other sites. The first Sex Geekdom LA meetup happened in August and on a summer night I drove to hang out with a bunch of sex geeks I had never met. I was terrified at first but my online friends, especially Lidia-Anain, encouraged me to go. My confidence been shot down by this time and I worried I wouldn’t fit in. That was certainly not the case. We were a small group but bonded instantly and I truly enjoyed their honesty and hilarious sense of humor. I soon became an emissary for Sex Geekdom LA and now help plan its monthly meetups.

In September I attended CatalystCon West, a weekend long sexuality conference. At the conference I gained a better perspective not only in what I had to offer to the sex positive community but that I was already an active participant in it. I met in person many people I had followed online and we spent the weekend learning and sharing. It was also the first time I saw recognition in people's faces when I told them who I was. It was one of the most inspiring and validating moments of my life.

The week after CatalystCon I had long chat conversation with Cooper about the weekend. I told him all I had experienced that weekend and how I felt the pull to greater things. I needed to move forward into even bigger role as an educator, as well as a writer. During our conversation he brought up that he too wanted Swingset to move forward into greater things and asked if I would like to take a bigger part in it. He was understaffed and could use more help. This would free him up to explore different ways in which Swingset could grow and expand. I agreed.

I started out doing simple copy-editing. We worked in tandem on things and found we worked well as a team. I really enjoyed it. In my regular family life things are always in chaos with very little that seems in my control. The time I would spend processing articles and scheduling was very rewarding. It felt good to work on something and see the positive results. I love working with Cooper and providing support for the Swingset Team. As the year drew to its end I took on more and more responsibility. I continued to write articles and blog while also doing book and media reviews.

By the time I reached my one-year anniversary on the Swingset I was quite surprised to look back and see how far I had come. I had tried new things like a swinger nightclub and had a spectacular time at my first play party. We continue to try and meet couples while trying to find a local swing community but that seems to be going slower than anything else. It just takes time and patience. After all, it’s only been one year of non-monogamy too. I’ve learned so much about myself in the past year. I’ve delved into a few aspects of kink that I’ve always wanted to but never had a chance to explore. I’ve come to understand what it is I truly get off on and understand why I enjoy them a little better. Doing Crash Pad Series reviews taught me that just because I don’t find conventional girl on girl over produced porn to be arousing that I’m must just be interested in men. Queer porn opened me up to all variety of sexiness out there that I find to be very hot.

The past year hasn’t been easy. I’m also a wife and mother of two, which is often at odds with what I want to do in the sex pos community. Sometimes that load of laundry doesn’t get in, the dishes pile up and occasionally I’m running to school pickup because I just had to do one more thing before I left. I’ve had to say no to some really awesome events because I had a family obligation or just couldn’t fit it in between all the extracurricular activities. I do the best I can.

There’s much to look forward to in the upcoming year. I’d like to write more often while continuing to enjoy my position as managing editor  (yes, an official title complete with business cards!) on the Swingset. I also had my first opportunity to podcast with the Swingset. I had a great time and and will be filling in from time to time. Attending CatalystCon East made me realized that I really do have followers and, dare I say it, a fan or two. I also felt more confident in what I was doing and where I was heading after the conference. I’m excited to see how far we can go with Sex Geekdom LA and hope Bawdy becomes a fixture in LA. I’d like to do more work in sex education and continue to do whatever I can to expand my knowledge. I really want to grow as a sex positive parent. I hope to meet sexy new friends. I also hope to find a balance between my two lives. Most of all, I look forward to the great unknown, whatever this path I’m on leads to.

My attempt at taking off sometimes results in little more than a few moment of gliding. But I keep getting up on that hill to jump off again. I’m still learning to fly; an earth-bound misfit, I.