Review: U Touch Side by Topco


TS1600335The Topco Ultrazone U Touch Side is a vibrator geared toward both external and internal use, with a shape designed for g-spot stimulation.

It comes in fun packaging. It has a stylish cute pink and white outer descriptive cover that rests over a very elegant pink and black inner box. “Sophistication. Experience. Pleasure.” Sold.

The cover boasts a quiet motor and “velvet” finish and the U Touch Side delivers both. Made of a smooth soft silicone and phthalate free, so it is easily washable with nonabrasive soap and water or standard sex toy cleaners and good for use with lubricant. As it is not indicated as to whether or not the U Touch Side is water proof (or resistant), I would not recommend shower use or submerging the toy.

The charging system is neat. The U Touch Side comes with an AC/USB adapter plug, a European adapter and a USB charging cable that attaches magnetically to two nubs on the top back of the toy. A light on the end of the cable indicates whether the toy needs charging (red) or is fully charged (green). However, the drawback of this method is that if the cord gets pulled and one of the nubs is not touching, the toy will not charge.

In the box, the U Touch Side seemed to have such promise. Unfortunately, things aren't always as they appear.

The day that Zoe gave me the toy, she handed it to me and asked me to turn it on. I failed. What I didn't know at that time was that she had spent a full frustrating ten minutes trying to figure out how to make the vibe work and she did not want me to leave without knowing how to at least turn it on.

The only place that Topco tells the users about how to turn on this toy is in very small print on the box cover; so be sure to get your reading glasses out. Without it, the toy is difficult, if not impossible to figure out. Even further, the tiny instruction booklet that comes with the U Touch Side is not even geared toward the toy. The booklet is literally tiny; about the size that I’d expect to see in a doll house. It only gives general information on sex toys and nothing specific about the U Touch Side. Considering how confusing the toy seemed to be, not including a specific, readable instruction manual seems like a large oversight by the manufacturer.

The packaging states there are 16 speeds and 6 vibration patterns, but the hell if I could consistently make it do what I thought I was asking it to. Instead of buttons to click and press, where you know to expect an increase in speed or a change in vibration, this toy uses touch controls. While touch controls use the latest in modern technology, masturbation is a tactile activity so there is nothing wrong with having actual buttons. Especially, since sometimes the touch controls seemed to work and other times I wondered why nothing changed. This toy felt somewhat possessed; as if it had a mind of its own.

By the time I began to actually use the U Touch Side, I was already frustrated. The U Touch Side’s “ergonomic” design also felt more awkward and less “sleek,” while self-using it for clitoral stimulation. Having my partner use the toy on me only yielded slightly better results. I also did not like the feel of it internally. I’m not quite sure if it was the shape or the size of the part of the toy geared toward g-spot stimulation. I prefer a more round or phallic shaped g-spot stimulator. This toy did nothing for me physically.

Despite its promise, I can not recommend the U Touch Side. In my opinion, sex toys should NOT be this complicated; they should be intuitive. One should be able to pick it up any vibrator and use it without having to hunt all over for instructions or an exorcist.

Full Disclosure: We did not purchase this product, it was sent to us specifically for review. Our policy is to, regardless of how we acquired a product, review it fairly and openly. No writer for Life On The Swingset will ever deliberately mislead our readers into believing that a product is good because of anything we received from the company. We are open and honest, and cannot be bought or bribed. If we love a product, we'll tell you, if we don't, BELIEVE us, we'll tell you that too. End disclaimer.


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