Review: Hardwood Dildos by Hans


When I mentioned to my friends that I was going to be reviewing a wood dildo they would respond back with “ouch!, splinters.” I reassured them that no, not all. The Hardwood Dildos by Hans were hand sanded throughly and had a  beautiful varnish on them. There was no way any splinters were EVER getting through.

Each Dildo is individually hand crafted and there's no two that are the same. The Hardwood Dildos by Hans are all created from scraps of woods left over from lumberyards, fallen trees, etc. so nothing is wasted. He uses the woods unique bumps and twists to create a dildo that unlike anything you seen from a dildo before. You can choose from a large variety of colors, shapes, and sizes to find the toy that best suits you. They are unique and fit to what you want it to be. He can even custom design a toy just for you.

I was fortunate enough to get to try out three of Hans‘ creations. All of them were very light weight, soft, silky, shiny. I just couldn't stop looking at them and holding them in my hands. They were the most gorgeous and sexy dildos I've every seen, I couldn't take my eyes off of them. I'm glad that I choose 3 different shaped dildos, now I had the decision of which one to try first.

The first wood dildo I tried was #162. The 11.5″ x 1.1″ mahogany dildo has a slightly curved end and the other end curves down and is shaped like a handle. There's a twist in the middle to separate the two sides and made gripping easier. It slid in very nice and easy, with the added help of some lube. Both ends felt awesome, but the handle shaped end was the one that did it for me. The bulb of that curved end pressed right up against my g-spot. After a few strong thrusts I was gushing all over myself. Was exactly what I like to feel from a toy. Power and wetness. I think the length and stiffness of the hardwood dildo really helped reach my g-spot, since there was no room for movement or bending. This was a perfect dildo for my needs.

Now with the second Hardwood dildo I had some help from a beautiful women to help me try it out. The one we used together was #169. It's a 9.75″ x 1.1″/1.4″ Celam double sided wood dildo. Both ends look very simliar but one end is curved with textured bumps on top and the other is a straight shaft with bumps all over. We used the dildo with her on her back and me sitting up on my knees. It worked the best for us for me to have it in me first and insert it in her. Since there isn't any pliability to it I needed to be the one in control because I was sitting up. After we got all lubed up and her and I were connected as one with the toy, I was so surprised with how fast I came to an orgasm. It was such an astounishing feeling. It slid in and out with such ease an felt like silk as I was pushing it and pulling out of her. I had so much control without feeling like I had to work on keeping the dildo in. It was very comfortable inside me and the unyielding hardwood pressed every little spot. It was so thrilling and got me to cum effortlessly. I'm not sure that my gorgeous partner liked it as much as me, but I know she enjoyed watching me being pleasured by it. Can't wait to try it again.

Finally, to my new gusher demonstrator, #358. The 9.1″ x 1.25″/2.25″ maple  wood dildo was more than I ever thought it would be. It has a twisted, knobby shaft with a large ball shaped head at one end. The ball shaped end was perfect for Cooper to grab on to and thrust it slowly inside of me. It felt like satin as it moved in and out of me. Very pleasurable. The rugged, solid shaft glided straight towards my g-spot and within only a few moments had me squirting and gushing all over. I was splishing and splashing everywhere. Each push was more intense than the last and just made me want to keep cuming. I so needed this! It really enhanced my talent like nothing else has before. I want to show off this new hardwood dildo I have to my friends. We also tried inserting the ball end into me too. Almost got there, but was a little painful for me. I think with the right stretching and lube I could get it up in me. I think it would be a fabulous g-spot massager. I can't imagine how wonderful that would feel. I'll have to give you an update when that event happens.

Clean up was very easy. I just used a little soap and warm water and they were all ready for next time.  Very simple and everything came off easily. The only toy that I had to do a little more clean up with was #162. The end that was being held on to, the lube was a little harder to get off. Seemed like it absorbed it a bit more than the end that was in me.After a second cleaning it was fine.

I thought that each of the Hardwood Dildos by Hans were totally amazing! I throughly enjoyed myself with each of them and can't wait to see what the future holds for them and I. There wasn't anything that I saw to be a problem with these wood dildos. I would think that anyone looking for a wood dildo should defintely use HansHardwood Dildos.

Full Disclosure: We did not purchase this product, it was sent to us specifically for review. Our policy is to, regardless of how we acquired a product, review it fairly and openly. No writer for Life On The Swingset will ever deliberately mislead our readers into believing that a product is good because of anything we received from the company. We are open and honest, and cannot be bought or bribed. If we love a product, we'll tell you, if we don't, BELIEVE us, we'll tell you that too. End disclaimer.


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