The Beginning? Nah, A Beginning


The Beginning? Nah, A BeginningI’ll be honest; this blogging thing scares me a bit. Don’t get me wrong…I’m happy to be here. I love Life on the Swingset. I love my life on the swingset. A platform to unpack my thoughts, process, and climb on my soapbox? Sign me up. Well, actually I think my exact words to Cooper and Technogeisha were “I’m very interested.”…lol

So I gathered up my Mac, some tunes, and my last Sephora receipt…which for those of you who are just tuning in is clearly where this femme keeps the blogging ideas she brain dumped last week.


And panic sets in…I have a couple false starts…the “intro” blog about myself…the happy poly travel stories… how I felt when DOMA was struck down…why I love garter belts… But they all came out kinda…stuffy.  Like I had my announcer voice on.

So I take a deep cleansing breath annnd…take two!

I love my reusable double-walled Starbucks Trenta tumbler. I know, I know…it doesn’t seem glamorous or sexy as a go to accessory…but hear me out before you throw rotten tomatoes. This cup has been through a beating or two…kinda like me.  😉 The last time I dropped it, the walls separated from one another. And here’s the sexy part – instead of throwing it away and adding to a landfill, I superglued it back together with pictures of my people inside. The most convenient part about turning a broken tumbler into my own personal happy poly conversation starter is that I no longer find myself drawing diagrams of my relationships in an attempt to explain how the people of my life weave together like the vibrant tapestry we are. Instead, I can point to each member of my tribe – our chosen family that fluctuates between 10-30 people at any given point – leading me to find myself with the unique experience of being able to take all the people that I love with me wherever I go. I take my tumbler with me to work everyday. Its seen dungeons, queer discussion groups, PTA meetings, and tribe dinners. I hand selected every photo in it…and they all mean something special.

One of the photos is of my 29th surprise birthday party thrown by my partners – The Mrs., The Pet, and The Monogamist. There is a particular moment, post-surprise, post-gifts, post-several rounds of shots…where we captured a picture of everyone in attendance. I’m standing with one arm around The Monogamist and the other holding a pink leather lead and collar of a 20lb wooden cock and balls (gifts from my metamours, of course). The frame is filled with so many people…so much love…heads thrown back in laughter, smiles wide, arms squeezing everyone close. Our happiness was so pure and palpable that day, if I close my eyes a year later, I can still feel it.

Shortly after that photo was taken, the bubble burst on our collective happiness. Don’t get me wrong, we’re all currently happy…but there was a period of time as a tribe that was the most golden of time and this photo was taken towards the end. To keep a group of poly kinky mostly employed people that close knit for that long, took work. We held weekly family dinners, hosted elaborate kink parties, and participated in impromptu group sex. Not many people can say they have fucked all of their bridesmaids…but my favorite little will be able to say that at her wedding next summer. Eventually, about half of the romantic relationships that existed that day have dissolved. Several people have gone on to pursue academic or career changes. I’ve moved 350+ miles away but other tribe members have moved further…we seem to have scattered to the four corners of the earth.

I expect that it is assumed I have sadness about our collective bubble burst…but I don’t. I get to live a life where those moments happened. Instead of mourning the loss of those moments, I choose to celebrate that they existed…and that many more like them will exist in the future.

This is me.  Queer.  Poly.  Kinky.  Femme.


The Duchess is a radical feminist, tribe member, and bondage enthusiast living in the greater DC area. She has been some variety of ethically non-monogamous since 2000 including non-monogamy, swinging, solo-poly, hieracrhal poly, triad, poly groups, non-hieracrhal poly, and mono-poly. Since bursting out of the closet, The Duchess has presented at local/regional events, co-founded a monthly educational event/party, and lived in a dungeon. After moving to the DC metro area, she is taking her time exploring the community and finding her people. She lives in a mono-poly D/s relationship with The Monogamist and an open egalitarian relationship with The Mrs. With the free time she can squeeze out of her Google calendar, The Duchess enjoys activism for a variety of causes, making people cry, and spending time with the Tribe <3, her chosen family.

1 Comment

  1. KZ's_girlygirl on

    What a great first entry- I can’t wait to read more! Love you and, especially love this:

    ” I get to live a life where those moments happened. Instead of mourning the loss of those moments, I choose to celebrate that they existed…and that many more like them will exist in the future.”

    I definitely needed that little bit of optimism today <3

Leave A Reply