It’s Naked Time! Nudity And The Male Body #coop500


It's Naked Time! Nudity And The Male Body #coop500There was a long topic suggestion on the #coop500 hashtag revolving around the various types of nudity levels expected at play parties. And I fully intend to get to that topic. But I also like the idea of just talking about nudity, and wrapping that into body image as a male.

This is where I say that men also suffer from issues of body image, especially at swing events where their cocks may be hanging out and, while flaccid, may be of really any size from python to turtle hiding in its shell. But you know that, right? We know that we all, no matter how good our bodies are, unless we're straddling that line toward sociopath or pure narcissist, have body issues.

Too fat, too tall, too short, too thin, too hairy, too hairless, my cock is too small, my cock is too big, (if you don't think this is a thing, ask someone who's recently taken a pounding from an exceedingly large cocked gentleman how difficult that “you're just too big” conversation can be) my balls hang low, my balls are different sizes, my pubic hair gets all ingrown and bumpy, my shaved pubis is covered in bumps that I'm worried will look like…

And it goes on like this. But you know already. Even though you know, you sort of take the story as apocryphal. Embellished at best. Untrue at worst. Is it societal? Perhaps the same through-line that goes into rape culture, in fact, the perfect specimen of masculinity without any of that pesky self awareness or anxiety.

But we're different, and should be more aware. Us the positive folk, us the accepting folk.

I'm a bigger guy. I think I wear it fairly well, but it's no secret that with my beard and glasses and Chuck Taylor's and extra weight I don't conform to traditional definitions of sexually attractive. No no, I'm not fishing, I'm comfortable with this. That said, I've been told I'm sexy by many people, (That's the #humblebrag) and over the years I've completely lost my sense of bodyshame at parties and events.

I may be too shy to approach and talk to people, but I have no problem being the first one naked, wandering around, holding conversations with clothed people. It's a long way from the first naked step outside the door on my first trip to Desire Resort and Spa, where I helded onto the door handle for dear life knowing that the moment I let go…I was naked outside.

I can't tell you why the change, though. I'd love to say that I heard the compliments and took them to heart eventually believing them, but no. I still wonder about mental illness when someone calls me sexy. I still have the same uber level of self doubt. I guess I'm just feeling more comfortable with it all.

(Though, sitting on the side of a very small hot tub while a pretty lady sits next to me engaged in a conversation, and realizing that my cock is now right at eye level for her…that still makes me self conscious.)

How about you, gentlemen? How do you feel about getting naked?


About Cooper Cooper S. Beckett is the co-founder and host of Life on the Swingset: The Podcast since 2010, author of swinging & polyamory novels A Life Less Monogamous and Approaching The Swingularity, and memoir My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory. He teaches and speaks on swinging, polyamory, pegging, play parties, and coloring outside the boundaries of your sexuality. He is a graphic & web designer, photographer, and voice over artist, has been a guest expert on Dan Savage’s Savage Lovecast, & is the announcer of Tristan Taormino’s radio show Sex Out Loud. He is currently working on two instructional non-fiction books, one about beginning non-monogamy, and another about pegging.


  1. Nice write-up, Coop! Yes, nudity and body-issues are a part of the package; we all bring some fun little hang-ups with us into the community, and I’m actually starting to find it a bit charming how close most of ours are to each other. It’s unifying, in a way. 🙂

    I’ve been on many points of the male physique spectrum, and honestly was paranoid/self-conscious in sexy situations at nearly all of them. Even upon becoming muscular and with low body fat, I had to first deal with an outdated self image (dysmorphia) that wouldn’t let me see it, and then the concern that I was helping to perpetuate an unreasonable image that others might use to make themselves feel bad. But age and the reassurances of people I love and respect made all the difference for me; I think I’d be about as comfortable at any size as long as I had the reassurance of people I cared about telling me that they find me sexy. 🙂

  2. StrangerinGermany on

    Seeing one self with the eyes of another. Always wrong, as I expierienced. Not the kind of athletic guy I want to be, over 200 pound, I always wonder why women are attracted to me in a sexual way – like in a club.
    I learned that it is not about to look like Mr Charming, I learned it’s about being yourself. As my wife and I are used to move around naked as often as we can in the summer (we like nudist resorts and nudist holidays) we found out that it is much more complicated when you are dressed and can show your financial and social ‘status’ through clothing and assecoires. Once beeing completely naked this all ist gone.
    Also we made the experience that this competition between the members of the same sex is much more cruel between the women. The guys may slap on each others tummy and say ‘too much pizza since we met last, uhhhh?’ and everything is all right. This sentence in a girl-girl conversation? Unthinkable!
    Accept yourself as you are, relax, and please do not push anybody in plastic surgery just for the ‘look’

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