Swinging Expectations: Getting to Carnegie Hall


Swinging Expectations: Getting to Carnegie HallIf you have read my previous blogs, if there is an aphorism or phrase that neatly sums up my experience in the swinging world it would probably be “What the hell am I doing?” Even with over 150 podcasts, and plenty of blogs from lots of contributors (thank you all), there comes a time when you have to just do it, whatever it is. Whether it is your first swing party, club or date, the theoretical knowledge needs to be placed aside and supplemented with experience. I can read about fun sexy time all I want (and it all sounds very nice), but participation means action, positive action, like get up off my ass and go talk to somebody kind of action.

I was watching a few YouTube episodes with Laci Green with my son the other night. It was a video regarding emotional intelligence, and there were 5 categories listed. Now I love my son dearly (remember nothing counts before the but), …but he is not the most self-aware person I know, and we gave a (very) informal thumbs up, thumbs down, thumbs sideways ranking for the different categories. I am a fairly tough judge on myself, but I scored the following…

Self-awareness (Thumb sideways) I sometimes recognize my behavior even when I am in stressful situation

Self-regulation (thumb down) my closest friends and my love need to tell me when I need to moderate

Social skills (thumb down) I frequently let conversations lapse into silence

Motivation (thumb sideways) this can go either way, I blow hot and cold here

Empathy (thumb up…finally!) I can usually let someone know I understand what they are feeling,

So…two down, two sideways and one up… that’s not great, but remember I am a hard grader on myself, probably too hard. If I were to ease up and grade myself the way I might grade someone I might meet at a party, I would probably be 2 up 2 sideways and one down (I really do need to moderate my behavior sometimes).

So, how do I intend to make this better? How do you get to Carnegie Hall??? …practice kid…practice!

I attended a round table discussion on Poly this week, and met a wonderful group of (mostly) young people. I was near the top of my social game, and I hope to maintain that momentum going into a swing party this weekend.

I had a date with a wonderful poly person whom I brought to an electronic music concert. We talked (beforehand) we danced (a lot!) We later went for sexy time… well no… we didn’t, both of us had to work the next day, but maybe next time…

I was writing to a wonderful sexy single female today, sadly not in my geographical location, and she is just getting started swinging as a female single. I find it amazing how different the two worlds appear, even though we are essentially trying to reach the same goal: meet fun sexy partners with which to play.

We both agree if we happen to be in the other’s vicinity we should look each other up.

The point to all of this is… one can begin without having a destination in mind. In fact, I would recommend not having an end game at all. This relates to Dylan’s going to parties without any expectations of play. One never knows when a random encounter can lead to better things, play partners, introduction to other sexy people, etc. But the only way to increase the odds of meeting awesome people is to get out and actually meet them.

Stay sexy my friends.


The Salmon is exploring swinging and poly as a married single. Married for over 20 years, he and his love explore non-monogamy together and in different ways.

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