Age and Swinging: I’ll Give You My Lube When You Pry It From My Cold, Dead Hands


Age and Swinging: I’ll Give You My Lube When You Pry It From My Cold, Dead HandsOver the past few months, I have seen a lot made of the age in the lifestyle. You see desired age ranges on profiles and even groups (TNG groups are springing up everywhere). On a few occasions recently, this has come up in various ways. We have heard rules from those on the older end of the spectrum precluding younger partners, younger folks not wanting to play with older and folks explicitly say they didn’t care the person’s age. We know 30 year olds with the attitude and fitness of 80 year olds and at least one 60 year old we know of (we don’t actually ask age, but this one just came up) who Mrs. Duncan loves as a play partner. There was a forum topic on Kasidie a while back where I felt the need to reply. The idea for this post started with that one (and some of the content).

Both Mrs. Duncan and I are a bit over 50, but nowhere near past our prime. We like to think we look and act younger than our years, but most ‘older’ folks in the lifestyle feel that way. It is true that proximity does not prove causality, but we think to be a swinger implies a certain outlook. It also gives motivation for taking care of oneself- we are dating again, after all. Also, taking care of oneself is a prerequisite for having a good night out playing. We are better lovers now than even a few years ago. We know how to please each other as well as playmates. We are better at figuring out what our partners want. We know what we want and have the wisdom and tact to communicate it effectively.

Physical condition also plays a significant part. Fit is much better than not fit at any age, but as one grows older, this becomes more important. Youthful exuberance and stamina are no longer on your side. It is also harder to get/stay fit as you age. Harder, not impossible (baring any severe physical condition).

Eating better is important. 4 taco Tuesday's and a few beers seem to do a lot more damage now and are harder to shake off than they used to be.

Drinking better is critical. Too much alcohol can kill performance and enjoyment (just as Macbeth's porter). Not enough water can also kill performance, endurance and enjoyment (hydration is important).

ED is a big topic when it comes to older guys. Lack of erection is not limited to folks with ED, however. All older guys do not have ED and shy dick syndrome knows no age. Having said that, if the only thing one uses to please their partner is their dick, they are missing out on a whole lot of fun. Even if Mr. Happy is not up to par on a given night, we have a whole bunch of other parts/tools with which to please a woman. I know I am using a lot of these well before I even think about strapping on a condom. If the only way one stimulates their partner is with an erect penis in a vagina (or other orifice), they are missing a whole lot of great topography on that wonderful creation- a woman's body. There is just so much to be caressed, massaged, sucked, tweaked, licked, etc and none have that has anything to do with an erection. If there aren’t wet spots on the bed before we start thinking about penis in vagina sex, then I have not done an adequate job of pleasure inducement. If we need to work to find a dry spot- Duncan foreplay for the win!

There are also some physical benefits to getting older. Two words I don't have to worry about any more- ‘premature ejaculation'. The fact that I last much longer now than even 5 years ago is a bonus. This is especially true with a condom. In fact, I may not come at all with a condom, but that doesn't stop me or my partner from enjoying. It just means there is more for Mrs. Duncan (or another partner then Mrs. Duncan) later. This is one thing I have added to my pre-play discussion though. I do not want my play partner worrying about making me come when it just may not happen. We play until we are both satisfied and/or need a break (see hydration above).

Gravity is a fact of life. Even with workouts and diet, things sag. But as a Southside Johnny fan, I need to point out ‘It ain't the meat it’s the motion…’. If your main thing is eye candy and young bodies, that's cool, but I would suggest you are missing out.

We ourselves do not have firm rules on age at either end of the spectrum. Mrs. Duncan and I generally just look to general attractiveness and compatibility. Some of the things we find attractive are a certain emotional and intellectual maturity. This does not preclude of playfulness which we also find attractive. It really is a question of attitude for us where the age one feels and presents is far more important than what your birth certificate reads. We neither hold one’s youth and inexperience against them nor let a few gray hairs (or lack of hair) scare us away.

So, are there parts of being 20 I miss- sure.

Would I go back if you paid me- no way.


Duncan lives with his wife the lovely Mrs. Duncan, 2.03 children, their dog and 2 cars in suburban southern New England. Distressingly vanilla on the outside and surprisingly spumoni underneath, the Duncan's are fairly new to the lifestyle and kinksters to boot. They are enjoying all the experiences and discoveries this adventure has to offer. Sharing his thoughts here, Duncan hopes to promote others' personal exploration by sharing his. Writing also helps process the experiences and acts as a personal pensive.


  1. I would love to see more discussion about sex for older adults.

    I am 68 and my “girl” friend is 77. We both love and enjoy a healthy sex life. Neither of us has any problem in the ED and lubrication area, although a little lube at the beginning is a help. When we are together we have sex at least every other day.

    We are both in excellent health and enjoy life to it’s fullest.

  2. Gnosisseeker on

    I agree with Bill that I think that there could be a whole series of blog posts or even podcasts on this topic.

    As I aged I noticed some of the items listed above and can relate to what was written above as well.

  3. The matter of one’s age always comes up when you are seeking a couple or a sexual partner on the Lifestyle websites. Most ads specify an age group the couple wil swing, play with and have intercourse with. For some reason there seems to be an overemphasis on chronological age rather than physical fitness and other youthful qualities in your potential sex partner.However, age is just a number. As Duncan says, emotional and intellectual maturity and playfulness are the most important attributes in a potential sex partner.

    In real life, we have noticed that men are attracted to and will hit upon my wife without actually knowing her age. She is very attractive and looks a lot younger than she is. There is no question that the men who are attracted to her would be eager to play with her and have sexual intercourse with her.

    Likeweise, women lot younger than me, tend to flirt with me without actually knowing my age. There is very little question that given right circiumstances, I could fuck at least some of them.

    So our attitude is to enjoy life, play with, and, have sex with multiple partners that are willing to play with you, regardless of age, for playful sex and mind blowing orgasms.

  4. I think it’s great to say that age doesn’t matter. It’s better to say what does matter instead (fitness, attraction, personality etc).

    One complaint with the post, though: If we were meeting potential swing partners in the real world, we could skip asking about age and just go by the stuff that matters. But most advice I’ve ever gotten for finding playmates is to go online. How do you indicated fitness and attraction and bypass the age question? There’s no agreed upon measure for those other things, so what would you put in a profile?

    • Sorry for the late response, but I am just seeing this now.

      In our profile, we certainly list our age, but we also talk about the kinds of activities we do and have pictures. We also talk about our being reasonably fit.

      Between the pictures of our kayaking, our discussion of our fitness, etc, folks should be able to infer we are in decent shape.

      There will always be folks who only swing by the numbers (height, weight, age, etc), and that’s cool. For everyone else (most people in our experience), the contents of the book matters much more than its cover.

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