Confidence is Super Sexy


Confidence is Super SexyMy resolution to just concentrate on my poly relationships and not swinging didn’t even last until the post on that was published. I am not going to let one crappy experience scare me away or let one asshole ruin good times for me. I think I am now better prepared to deal with such things. Unfortunately, there are probably future crap and assholes still to be met. But I also know that there are a lot more awesome experiences and great people to meet.

Anyway, this past weekend we travelled a good distance and went to a hotel party with the Foxes. It was fun for me even though, or maybe because of, the long drive down which gave me plenty of time to talk to my partners.

I am still trying to wrap my mind around something that happened there. After being there a while, Mr. Scarlet and I started making out with another couple who for consistency with prior naming convention, I shall call the Buffalos. I was sitting on Mr. Buffalos lap kissing him, running my fingers through his buzzed hair, caressing him. He was kissing me, caressing me, telling me how beautiful I was. And then he asked, “Why would someone like you be with an old man like me?”

SCREECH. Cue record needle scratch sound effect. What a way to kill the mood. I kind of blew it off at the time but I now have some thoughts to anyone wanting to say such a thing in the future.

First, by asking that you are displaying a serious lack of self-confidence. This is not sexy at all and may actually impede you successfully going down the road that you are currently travelling.

Second, if we are on first base and seriously contemplating more you probably don’t want to inspire me to start analyzing my own thought process rather than focusing on the fun at hand.

Now some days have passed and I have thought about the question which is really one of why a person is attracted to another at all. On one hand, who knows? It’s kind of hard to define that. I suppose there are several reasons that Mr. Buffalo interested me even if he wasn’t what one would conventionally think of as hot. I am more interested in guys that are tall, and bigger. I like short hair. I like muscle but having been obese in the past, I don’t really care if a person has extra pounds on them. So he had enough physical appearance things going for him to get past immediate rejection.

More importantly, he was the only guy at the party who had actually expressed interest. Two girls had hit on me rather directly. One, who had been talking to Mr. Scarlet called me over and asked me for a threesome. Sorry, but no. I realize that there are unicorn hunters who would jump at that but it’s not really my thing if I haven’t even had a conversation with you. A second girl, who I think was barely legal wanted some girl-girl action and to put on a show. No thanks. I don’t like exhibitionism and after a brief conversation it was clear she wasn’t my type anyway.

So after three hours at the party, I had talked with a number of guys. Of them, they all seemed ok from my perspective but none of them seemed particularly flirty. The conversations we had could just as easily taken place at work. It wasn’t clear if their wives were into Mr. Scarlet or wanting a swap. I took their behavior as polite conversation and lack of interest in pursuing anything more. At about this time, Mr. Buffalo walks by, runs his hand along my arm and shoulder and clearly is flirting with me. So we all start talking. They seem nice. One thing leads to another….

I could probably go into more details but I guess the point here is this: If you are outgoing and confident, you may get shot down but you may also get someone who you think is out of your league. If that happens, stay calm and continue to be confident or at least fake it. You must have something going for you even if you don’t see it yourself.


Ms. Scarlet is a newbie non-monogamist. She lives in a really Red part of fly over country, hence the name Ms. Scarlet. She likes contact sports, massages, rum, fast cars, ice cream, and good oral sex - not necessarily in that order. You can find her discussing the latest sex news and other things on Twitter as @MsScarletBlogs

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