Do Not Put Frosting On a Vagina – Dubious Sex Tips

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Do Not Put Frosting On a Vagina - Dubious Sex TipsOne of the best little bits of advice I ever got for sex play was from a terrible teen-magazine-type article with a bunch of awful advice like decorating wherever you want someone to lick you with cake frosting, and then waiting for them to come home.

Okay, I have to address that. Slight detour. WHY would you put sugary things in or on your vagina!?!? Oh. Is it just me that thinks of that when you say “wherever you want to be licked?” Or maybe it’s just me that wonders how I’d sit or what I would do while I waited? I picture infections in delicate places and sticky furniture when I read stuff like that.

Anyway…

This article, full of non-sense like frosting your genitals or putting a lit candle in your vagina, recommended using a blindfold when trying something new because it takes away a bit of the nervousness about being watched while I learn and it heightens the senses of the person receiving the stimulus. Perfect. I bought a blind-fold to use that night.

I headed to my friendly local sex store and got comfy leather cuffs, a little metal thing called a “quick release double bolt snap” that sorta looks like a double sided dog leash connector that can hold the rings on the cuffs together (making a sort of more comfortable hand cuffs). I didn’t feel up to the challenge of using rope to bind my lover and I wanted him at my mercy. I also bought a little leather crop and a small rubber flogger. (A flogger is a handle with a bunch of tresses or falls. Think of a wig with a handle made of leather, rope or rubber most commonly). Hmm…exciting. I could bind him and blindfold him and have my way with him. Now, what would I do with my advantage? More nail biting occurred as I thought of his favorite things? No no no. I wanted to do something I don’t always do.

I thought of all the spiky and cold and warm and soft things around my house and when I got home I made a kit of things I would try. I wanted to play with him a while, like a fly caught in my web, pairing sensations with pleasure and a little tiny bit of pain, just enough to be delicious.

Thus prepared, I met him at the door as usual and brought him down to my bedroom. I got him comfortable and we made out a bit, and when he was down to his boxers, I pulled out the leather cuffs and the blindfold I’d bought and asked if he’d be up to trying something with me. I explained that I wanted to play with his senses, but that I would not do anything that would leave a mark or hurt very much and I agreed not to touch him where he didn’t want to be touched and to stop immediately if he asked me to. He was pretty eager game. Huzzah!

I put the blindfold on him as I pulled out my kit and went upstairs for the things I’d put in the freezer. I didn’t bind his hands for that because it’s a pretty big no-no to leave a person in bondage while someone isn’t in the room with them. It was only cuffs, and I wasn’t attaching them to anything and he could just stand up, remove his blindfold and walk away if trouble or a fire ensued, but still. It’s a great idea to have a few safety rules in place when you engage in sex play. A few hard and fast rules like not leaving bound people alone make sense. Safety first, right?

So I returned with my ice-cubes and my cold fork. I pulled out little spiky metal wheel (wartenberg wheel). I lit my massage candle and pulled out a feathered garment. I placed the crop and the flogger on the bed by him. I assembled the rest of the plethora of things on the nightstand and got to work.

I straddled him, put the cuffs on him, and snapped them together. I kissed, licked, nibbled and teased him as I worked my way down his body. When he became aroused, I pulled out my feathered garment and tickled his skin. I intensified the things I did over time. I used the little wheel with spikes, and then lightly the very cold fork. I drank a little of the hot water I’d put nearby and alternated kissing and licking his body and sucking his cock with warm water in my mouth and running cold ice-cubes on his body in between. I poured the massage-oil-candle’s warm oil on him and rubbed it in. I teased and tantalized him and mixed kisses and licks and nibbles with everything. I hit him with the crop, starting very light and working up to good snaps that made him jump and redden just a little. I used the little flogger the same way, starting out by tickling his flesh with the tresses and ending up giving him good solid whacks with the thing. I worked him up and then introduced a sensation, mixing the sensual and the sexual with the stimulus and building passion over time. And it was a LOT of fun!

I got him to beg finally, and rewarded his begging only to tease him a little more again. When neither one of us could take it anymore I fucked him silly, riding him like a frenzied cowgirl with him still wearing the blindfold and the cuffs. It was hot. It was crazy hot.

You can make fun of teen-magazine-type sex tips all you like, (and I'll likely join you) but I've gotten so much out of my suggested blindfold. It really does give me a little confidence and it does heighten the sensation of the wearer. There’s something wonderful about trying things on a person who can’t see and judge me, and something erotic about not knowing what I will do or where I will strike next for the wearer. It makes me feel a little powerful and gives me license to play. It’s an easy way to make pretty simple things just a little more erotic or kinky. Gee.. thanks teen-sex advice person! I might even forgive the suggestion to put sugary things in or on vaginas. Mmm. Maybe not. But the blindfold thing was a good tip.

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SeattlePolyChick lives and works in Seattle, where she blogs and podcasts from a polyamorous, open, swinging, kinky, bisexual perspective. Her regular "cast of characters" includes her boyfriend Traveler and her boyfriend Cleveland, and the loves and others affectionately nicknamed "The Murder". It's as complicated and wonderful as it sounds. It's about love, sex, and relationships.

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