Sex Toys and the Single, Broke, Vanilla Girl


Let me start this off with a confession. I am vanilla, completely and totally. And while I might be a Superman of the vanilla sex world, in the Swingset world, I would be a mild mannered Clark Kent.

I am however, a strong believer in masturbation. I believe that everyone, male and female, after a certain age (too early can be debilitating, not liberating) should masturbate, And often. Sadly, ever since my friend step by step explained to me how I could climax 8 years ago, I have been a bit of a one trick pony. Though I may believe in masturbation, I consider it a far second to sex with a man I care for and so toy play often just reminds me of what I don’t have in life, instead of being a delightful stress reliever and some deserved me time. Add to that the fact that I’m short on cash, and I’m left with a need but not a lot of patience or finds to experiment with.

The one toy I did own was beige, that’s right beige, and resembled a vibrating toothbrush travel kit. If that doesn’t sound vanilla, I don’t know what would. But after being single for some time and one attempted marathon session where the only sparks flying were from the internal wire I somehow snapped inside, I realized that it might be time for a new vibrator. That’s where my friends at The Swingset come in.

One late night internet chat, I blurted out my dilemma to Cooper. Supportive friend that he is, he immediately pulled Marilyn into the conversation to get some real world product comparison. On their advice, I purchased the vibrating eggplant colored squiggle known as the “Dream Massager G” G-spot vibrator by Cal Exotics. I nervously awaited its arrival. It appeared on my doorstep on a very ill fated day. After a long day at work, feeling very unsexy, I popped the batteries in and told myself I’d give it a shot. Turns out I needn’t have bothered as the damn thing wouldn’t turn on. After replacing the batteries with every single one I could find in every spare drawer, I was about to throw my new squiggle at a wall. Not exactly what I was hoping for.

My hectic stressful week continued and I wasn’t able to buy replacement batteries for some time. Finally I had the new working batteries in and jumped into the bath with my new waterproof squiggle for some splashy splashy time, always a safe bet for me. And while I was definitely getting more bang for my buck, it still wasn’t anything to write home (or online) about. Until last night.

Last night, I was surprised with a no stress night and had indulged in some goofy dancing around my family room which had put me in a good mood. Laying in bed doing some paperwork and with my iPod pumping out tunes, I realized I was feeling a little sexy. “Oh what the hell”, I thought, “let’s give it a shot on dry land.” I grabbed the purple squiggle, a condom named Dots with delightful little bumps (being a true newbie, I had forgotten to purchase the correct lubricant for the toy so I opted for a lubricated condom available here.  I HIGHLY recommend them) and put some sexy tunes on the iPod.

Success! The fluid shift from one vibration level to another with the handy little grooves on the bulb shaped dial for one handed twisting never had me feeling like I was driving stick shift like I usually do along with the quietness of the model, let me melt into the music and focus on me while making me lose focus on anything but feeling GOOD. I even pulled out the beige toothbrush holder for some clitoral stimulation and shazam, instant orgasm. The changes in width along the shaft had me feeling pleasantly full as well as giving a great contrasting penetration/sliding feel. The size was perfect for a beginner like me especially for my first experiment with g-spot stimulation (I finally get what the fuss is all about!). Also, the cute purple color and non threatening shape made me bring less neurosis to the sheets which is always appreciated. At $18.99 AND waterproof, I absolutely understand why this is one of Eden Fantasys Top Ten G Spot Vibrators. I am looking forward to being able to have some funsy time without adding water and I’ll definitely be checking out other products by Cal Exotics at to add a few more bells and whistles (and screams and moans) to my life.


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