The first reason to take this approach seems to be the most obvious, to seek anonymity. You don’t have to be in the lifestyle very long to see the amazing cross section of society that is represented: doctors, teachers, police officers, coaches, deacons, beauty queens, truck drivers…. The list goes on. While non-monogamy as a whole is slowly entering the social consciousness, swinging remains a counter-culture practice and for some being outed can be disastrous. It could lead to loss of employment, friends and reputation; unjustly so, but it is an accurate reflection of much of the current North American mindset.
Now imagine those couples living in small rural communities where everyone knows each other and each other’s business. My Lovely and I live in such a place. In our community having an affair and a subsequent breakup/divorce is sadly treated as banal and commonplace, yet being found out to be a swinger, no matter how ethical your practice, would be fodder for salacious gossip around town. And what if you had family living in that town? Would it somehow stigmatize them too?
Seeking anonymity can be an understandable goal. Limiting your playtime away from home reduces the chance of running into someone you know, doesn’t require you to put up any incriminating information on a dating website and minimize ties to your hometown.
That said, no matter how many miles you travel, no matter how many steps you take to protect yourself, you can never truly be anonymous. At some point you have to put yourself out there in front of other people to make those sexy connections. It’s true that those others you are meeting are all there for the same thing and most share the desire for discretion. However you just never know when you will run into someone you know. A few years ago we attended a lifestyle hotel take over at the invitation of friends. During the evening festivities the fire alarm went off. Hundreds of scantily clad swingers had to exit the hotel in the middle of winter while the local fire department rushed to the scene to investigate the source of the alarm. One of our friends, a firefighter himself, had to hide among the crowd to make sure he was not seen by his colleagues.
The risk of someday being found out is part of the price of admission into the lifestyle. It’s all a matter of finding a balance point that you as a couple, or even a single swinger, have to find.
When discussing swinging, much of the discussion seems to frame swinging as being, well, a lifestyle, a part of someone’s daily fabric. That’s often not the case. For some, swinging is an occasional escape from the daily grind; a hobby if you will. That may be a conscious choice to limit how often a couple delves into non-monogamy or it could just be a function of demanding careers and family commitments. Regardless of the reason, what better way to enhance that escapism than completely changing the environment? Combining swinging with a vacation changes up the routine, eliminates daily stressors and responsibilities. What libido wouldn’t benefit from that? We can see why some couples would prefer to only associate swinging with a getaway.
In my next article, I’ll explore some pros and cons of destination swinging. In the meantime, let me know your thoughts on this topic so far. Did I miss something or did I get something wrong? Let me know by leaving a comment below or reach out to me on Twitter, @TheRopeMaster.
