First, the disadvantages.
Let’s face it, exploring non-monogamy only during travel means facing a limited number of opportunities for play. Finding that chemistry between people is not trivial, so further limiting when that can happen may result in fewer satisfying encounters. As well, last minute spontaneous decisions to meet a couple on the weekend wouldn’t be an option and removes one of the facets of swinging that can add to the sense of adventure. It can make swinging feel quite rigid.
Any connections you do make are likely to be scattered across the continent. This is one side effect I can personally vouch for. This is perfect from the perspective of seeking anonymity but it leaves you without a sense of community; you have no local lifestyle friends to share stories or experiences. We humans are such social animals and not having that community can feel isolating. This may not be evident to those just starting down this road but over time that may begin to show up on the radar. It certainly has for us. Texting or video chats with those long distance friends is a nice middle ground but may not be sufficient for everyone.
Another disadvantage is having to use some or all of that valuable vacation time for swinging rather than exploring new places, planning adventures, or spending time with distant family. In some cases, fitting in non-swinging related travel could mean a hiatus from non-monogamy for well over a year.
As well, finding opportunities to satisfy higher order needs (read: kinks) and more exotic sexual preferences will be very challenging. Take the various lifestyle resorts for example. It is always a complete crapshoot as to what type of couples will be there. The likelihood of there being someone matching your particular sexual preference may be low to begin with, add to that the chances of actually meeting that person and having chemistry is extremely low. Unless you are willing to put yourself out there ahead of time on the internet or travel with a specific group of like-minded individuals, then expectations on finding a perfect match in this area should be kept in check.
And lastly, it’s expensive! There is no sugar coating this one. Travelling to swing as described in this article costs a lot of money. Even if your destination is not a high-end lifestyle resort, the airfare and hotel costs alone will be hundreds if not thousands of dollars. For many in the lifestyle this may not be reasonable or not sustainable.
Now, the advantages
In part 1 we discussed why someone would be motivated to only swing while away and those reasons are clearly advantages to those of us that take this approach. Sometimes an alternate approach can bring about unexpected benefits. One such benefit is the large gaps of time between sexy connections. At first glance this does not seem like a benefit at all but it can be something to embrace. Being forced to wait a long time between experiences gives a person or couples the time to process their latest experiences. It is always said that the best tool you can bring to the table for a successful relationship is good communication, so here is a gap of time where you can peel back the layers of your experiences and discuss them. This gives you the chance to reconnect with your partner and better understand where their head is at based on your latest exploits.
Without a forced time out between experiences, particularly couples new to the lifestyle, you may have a tendency to want to run head long into this new and exciting world; those couples may not take the time to reflect on what they did or did not like. Forced downtime can give you the space to share that experience with your partner and avoid repeating anything that may have unknowingly troubled you or your partner. That lust to have lots of experiences at first is a very powerful siren song to ignore. Being forced to slow down could actually be the key to successfully incorporating swinging into your relationship over the long term. It worked for us. We always know where we both stand with respect to swinging and we have avoided a lot of the confrontation and confusion that we have seen happen to other couples around us.
Besides, what is more effective to percolate new fantasies or recharge that desire for new play partners than time? All of this while having the entry into the lifestyle be gradual and not overwhelming.
By limiting your experiences to when you travel can also help deflect the attention of friends and family. Frequent outings to clubs or frequent hosting of new people may cause those close to you to notice a change in your behaviour and pattern. Not everyone is ready to face those probing questions about what you do on weekends. This is particularly true for those that are typically home-bodies and the change in behaviour is obvious.
In the next article, I’ll explore some of the destination options for destination swingers. In the meantime, let me know what you think of this topic so far. Let me know by leaving a comment below or reach out to me on Twitter, @TheRopeMaster.
