Two Kinds of Swingers: Hunters and Farmers


Two Kinds of Swingers: Hunters and FarmersThe forums I read seem to have endless bitching about whether or not people are “true swingers” or “social swingers” or whether some swingers are just complete sluts or (gasp!) bednotchers.  It’s all kind of ridiculous. Some probably think we are bednotchers after an evening of complete debauchery involving hooking up with 5+ people at a party. Some others think we are social swingers or even posers since we will also go to clubs or parties and just play with each other or even just go home after socializing having had no sex at all.

I think there are plenty of ways to swing, most of which are perfectly acceptable. Evangelical one true way swingers can stop reading right here.

I want to propose is new terminology to describe what is happening. One of my friends works in sales. According to him there are two types of salespeople. There are hunters and there are farmers. Hunters work hard to go through large quantities of leads to find the rare one that will actually lead to a sale. Farmers, on the other hand, are about working and developing relationships so as to continually go back to the source for multiple sales.

I think the same thing exists among swingers. This makes sense, we’re all here to close a deal even if involves sex and is a bit different than closing a business deal.

I call the people who broke us in as newbies our sires. This couple, who I refer to as the Wolves, is definitely in the Hunter camp. They have even told me that they think you need to target in on people at a party with laser sites. Pick out your desired target early, approach them, and stay on focused until you either close the deal or get denied. They say this works much better than a shot gun approach of mingling and talking to lots of people.

Hunters choose to go out and find fresh blood. Maybe they do that because it is their preference. Maybe they have to. Maybe they like the thrill of the hunt. Maybe they love the sexual energy of the newness. Maybe they don’t like the time and energy needed for friendships. Maybe they are too busy in their regular life to bother.

In any event, hunters work differently than farmers. They have to find lots of leads by going through lots of online profiles. Some of the leads are of questionable quality, but they have to weed through them trying to find the diamond in the rough. Many leads will not go anywhere. They have to go to more clubs and other swinger events. There will be a lot of people who are not matches or who get away. Some hunters will even have rules that they only play with people once ever or arbitrarily limit play frequency (e.g. once a year).

Then there are farmers. They plant the seed, some of which sprout, have to keep away weeks, wait a while, and eventually can harvest a crop. I’m sure you know plenty of swingers like this too. They invest in getting to know someone up front. Then they eventually get to the sex part. Hopefully, after all that work, the sex is good. Assuming it is good, then you have struck it rich and hopefully can have a long lasting FWB (friends with benefits) for occasional fun.

Why are people farmers? Maybe they think it makes the sex better. Maybe they have trust issues. Maybe they are crappy at hunting and like to hang onto what they have. Maybe they are extroverts and just prefer more emotional attachment. Maybe they have found an awesome sexual match and want to keep going back to that same well.

In any case, most people have some mixture of these approaches in them. We like to farm most of the time, but every now and then will go hunting for a little variety.


Ms. Scarlet is a newbie non-monogamist. She lives in a really Red part of fly over country, hence the name Ms. Scarlet. She likes contact sports, massages, rum, fast cars, ice cream, and good oral sex - not necessarily in that order. You can find her discussing the latest sex news and other things on Twitter as @MsScarletBlogs

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