What Happened, Mr. Droopy?


When everything goes swimmingly, I blog about it quickly and happily.

It has taken me many weeks to bang out this blog about two experiences Mrs. Said and I had. Unpleasant endings to REALLY fun nights where things just petered out. Right up front: I went soft. Flaccid. Limp. It has taken quite a bit of time to recover mentally from that oh-so-unmanly setback.

By now I have alternately processed, worked through, analyzed, capitulated, examined, explained, exaggerated, and minimized the experience and am ready to blog about it.

As you, dear reader, may know, Mrs. Said and I are keeping this blog completely anonymous so we can speak absolutely honestly about our experiences. Names are not used, non-critical details may be changed to protect the quasi-innocent (there are no “innocent” people reading this smut, right?).

The first “Hey! Where did my hard-on go?” experience happened about 5 hours after my usual bedtime. Given the fact that I had wood for several hours at the party and the after-party, I kind of dismissed that erectile failure as “I was just worn the f*ck out.” I had absolute sensory overload due to hours of flirting, hot tubbing, naked-pile-on-the-bed-ing, etc. I had to resort to jacking off to finish with dear Mrs. Said, but I reached the finish line.

On to the more recent, err, failure…. Since details might lead our friends to unmask Mr. & Mrs. Said, I have to be pretty general on this one. My apologies. In a nutshell, we got together with another couple for one of the first full swap experiences for both couples. Actually, at the beginning of the evening the mutual ground rules were for soft swap with a wait-and-see attitude towards full swap. The night progressed nicely. Great conversation, good chemistry all around. Really a great match.

As Reagan said, “Mistakes were made.” In hindsight, we should have been prepared (i.e. condoms on hand) but our little “naughty kit” was in the other room. Once we all decided to full swap — at which point I had been hard for an hour during foreplay was fully ready to go — I had to run to the other room to get our supplies.

Mind you, we were playing with the kids asleep upstairs. When I went to get the condoms, I thought I heard one of the

kids coming down. In hindsight, I think my not wanting to get busted by the kids triggered the “fight or flight” rush of adrenaline.

Have you ever tried to keep wood in that situation? As I found out in this experience – and backed up with research on Wikipedia – certain chemical reactions occur in the fight-or-flight response that cause loss of erection. I think that's what happened to me. I still had a semi when I got back in the room, but it was waning. I tried to get back in the game real quick, but I just couldn't get hard. Then the cascade of “ohshit!ohshit!ohshit! how can I blow this great opportunity?” came. I was amazed at how much of a shot to my ego this was. I tried to put on a good face, but inside I was dying.

As much as it has helped to listen to sympathetic podcasts like Episode 12, this can be a tough one to shake even with the rational part of my brain saying “Hey, this kind of thing happens. Given an environment with no kids upstairs, more familiarity with the other couple, etc. Performance won't be a problem.”

Thanks to the L.O.T.S. podcast (props to my man, Cooper) and lots of other info, I'm comfortable that this incident is likely not a problem. Time will tell. I'd like to thank the folks who have gone before me and blogged/podcasted/forumed about their experiences.

I'm not the only dude who has lost wood. Here's hoping for a quick bounce-back experience. Any similar experiences out there? Ladies, have you experienced this and gone on to play with the same couple again? If so, how was that “retry” experience?


He Said and She Said (not their given names) are 40-somethings married for 20-something years living in a large Southern US city. Spurred into action by their landscaper's tales of consensual non-monogamy, they have enjoyed swinging - and blogging about it - since 2010.


  1. Something I've always been curious about in this situation. Since you weren't able to get your wood back, did you just call the whole thing off or did Mrs. Said continue with the other guy?

    • The last thing I wanted to do was call the whole thing off. Mrs. Said and the other guy continued. Once it was clear I wasn’t going to be able to get right back in the game, I laid down next to my play partner and said “Let’s watch them for a while. They look like they are having fun!” We watched, I kissed and caressed her, etc. Lucky for me, my play partner ranks pretty high on the compersion scale so she was happy to get a chance to watch her husband being pleased by my wife. We have stayed in touch and it looks like we will get together again. As they say, “time heals all wounds” and I am feeling less intimidated about the next time as each day goes by. I am planning to make the next opportunity as accommodating as possible (e.g. fewer distractions, condoms readily accessible, down-and-dirty by 9:30, etc.).

  2. I've had this sort of thing happen a number of times for a number of reasons, the key thing to remember is MOST lifestyle women are perfectly happy to have a night that's all about them for a change, and there are so many "tools" you can use to make that girl cum over and over again. Especially the first time can be very scary!

  3. I actually had to go from our "friends" hotel room back to our own hotel room (on another floor) to get condoms one time.
    During the trip back I got in an argument with a drunk guy in the hall.
    I was so flustered when I got back into the room my cock wouldn't do my bidding for close to an hour.
    Lucky for me the "friends" happened to actually be that (not a first time play session) so all was okay and i just messed around until the male friend was done.
    They girls then ganged up on me and with a lot (I'm talking a huge amount) of work got me back to a mental happy place and my tool working in good order.

  4. First let me say I've never had that problem with just me and my wife, but after it happened twice during two different times with two different couples I knew I had to do something. I think the big guy gets stage fright sometimes and when it gets in you head that he's just not cooperating, forget it. I got a scrip for Viagra from my doctor and only take it when we play with other couples. Wow what a difference it gives you. No more stage fright and even after you cum he's ready for round two. I had never taken it before, but I'm sold. The best part is no one else needs to know. But after it happened to two other guys my wife was with, I let them in on my secret weapon.

Leave A Reply