Women Lie in Bed: The Orgasm Gender Gap


Women lie in bed. I’m mean lie, not as in rest in a prone position, I mean as in tell untruths. We have learned officially from the Center of Sexual Health Promotion’s National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior (NSSHB) that there is a gender gap. But this gender gap is much more influential and explosive than that of the political persuasion. This gender gap is orgasmic, truly an orgasm gender gap.

That’s right. The NSSHB tells us that 85% of men reported their partner had an orgasm at their most recent sexual event with 64% of women reporting they themselves had an orgasm at their most recent sexual event. That is a 21% difference in the male perception of female partners orgasming and females who actually orgasmed.

Surprised? No? I’m not either.

Like I said, women lie in bed. I hear it all the time from friends (mostly the vanilla ones anyway).  Women fake orgasms. They do it to end unsatisfactory sexual encounters. They do it to boost the egos of their male partners. They do it because they feel like the acceptable time allotted during a sexual session had passed and now is the appropriate time to orgasm. They do it because every woman is supposed to be orgasmic through partner stimulation.

Then women complain that their male partners don’t get them off. Really, ladies?! Really?! You know better than that!

Reinforcing unsatisfactory behavior with an orgasm begets more of that unsatisfactory behavior! It is time for an honesty in orgasming policy: no pity-orgasm zone, if you will.

The reality is as long as women continue to fake orgasms and secretly complain about men not getting them off, men will continue to not get women off. It is that simple. And the alternative is so hot and sexy: more orgasms for women!

Herein lies the rub (pun intended as Shakespeare rolls in his grave): Ladies, we actually have to gently and erotically guide our eager lovers toward techniques that bring us to the mountaintop and be patient with ourselves in the process. And, gentlemen, you must swallow a bit of pride, wholeheartedly welcome the gentle guidance and expect to spend a bit more time than usual, because, yes, it often takes that long.

The NSSHB also tells us that women who engage in greater numbers of different sexual acts in a sexy session have a higher orgasmic response. So for more honest orgasms, get your freak on: self-pleasure together, add some mutual oral, a bit of manual stimulation and then get creative! Don’t hold your breath until the orgasm happens. Truly luxuriate in the experience! And communicate throughout: higher, lower, harder, tease me, touch me there, yes, yes, yes, yes!

Ladies, here is your mission if you choose to accept it: adopt an honesty in orgasming policy. If you don’t do it for yourself, do it for the rest of us ladies who may have the pleasure of making the acquaintance of your partner at a party and want to know that only the super sexy moves have been rewarded with orgasm as that makes it more likely he’ll get me off too. I’ve got your back if you’ve got mine…it’s a deal!


As an oversexed, omnisexual castaway from the sexually-repressed culture, Ginger believes the next sexual revolution of total sex-positivity is just around the corner and it’s time for the revolutionaries to unite! Be her friend on Facebook - Follow her on Twitter

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