We hit it off so well with Lady and Mr. Wonderful that we proposed something we have never even considered doing before—we invited them and their family to spend the weekend at our house. They live about 3 hours away from us, and our kids are the same ages and genders. We thought we’d try it out and see how it would go. It really was a blending of the vanilla and lifestyle worlds as we introduced our children to one another, as we all wondered about in our yard as neighbors strolled past. We were very discreet and careful not to send any strange signals to our children about the situation. The lifestyle part of the evening did not occur until the kids were sound asleep.
What we liked about the situation is having new friends who were open-minded as well as funny, intelligent, and very compatible in terms of interests, hobbies, life goals, etc. It was uncomfortable though since Mr. Doubleplay and I are still figuring out our lifestyle interests in this couple. We’re not sure if we have the same lifestyle goals as Lady and Mr. W. and we don’t want our lifestyle choices to be influenced by who our kids want to befriend. It’s great when it is all compatible, but we carefully monitor our own relationship and are sensitive to making sure that any playing we do enhances our relationship and doesn’t do any damage. It’s hard to focus on that goal when other variables are put into the mix, such as the friendships the kids are building between each other. It is causing us to question whether it is better to keep the vanilla and lifestyle lives completely separate—especially where family is involved!
Our main concern with Lady and Mr. W. is that they approach the lifestyle very differently than we do. They have never attended a club, and the one party that they attended was not their style. Instead, they prefer to meet couples online and then set up dates with them. In the past, these dates have turned into lifestyle relationships in which they see the same couple regularly over the course of months. They blend families; they spend birthday parties together. They often mix their vanilla and lifestyle worlds.
That seemed fine to us initially since they’re fabulous people. But what troubled Mr. Doubleplay and I was that the Ws did not fit with our “team player” vision that I articulated in my previous blog. Lady and Mr. W seemed to have this expectation that we swap partners for the whole weekend—not just during sex. Meaning, if we all sat down together, I’d be sitting with her husband and she would sit with mine. Sex was her having sex with Mr. Doubleplay and me with Mr. W. without much of any variation on that theme. I started to miss my husband even though he was right there in the house the whole weekend. We realized that we don’t want another relationship—we’re happy with the one we have. Does that mean that we are incompatible with this couple or that we are not doing a good job of communicating in a positive way our preferences for how we play? And is this a common interest of hard swap couples? We’re just too new to this type of lifestyle play to know whether this experience was a common expectation or an unusual situation.