We Play as a Team – Swinging Preferences


Swingers - Swinging CoupleOkay, so maybe this hard swap thing is not a simple as I had portrayed in my last blog. As we begin to explore the world of hard swap, Mr. Doubleplay and I are having a bit of an identity crisis. We have had some great experiences and some experiences that have left us scratching our heads regarding whether this is the right way for us to play. Our latest experiences have us asking—What is it that we are looking for in the lifestyle? It’s a great question to revisit from time to time and especially when an experience has you left with mixed feelings. We had fun this weekend, but looking back I feel less of the warm fuzzy glow that I usually feel after a weekend of fun. Instead I feel an uncomfortable unease.

So let me start by what is not working for us these days. Not as sexy for me is a girls-only situation when the guys are barred from touching at all. This type of scene was what we sought out when we started out in the lifestyle, so I feel a bit guilty saying that it’s just not my thing anymore. So I’m not saying I’ll NEVER again consent to girl-only play. When we are really enjoying spending time with a couple and that’s all they’ll do, I’ll play—and have many times. But for me, it’s not as hot it could be when the rules are set up that way. I don’t orgasm very easily in such situations anymore. I realize that I want Dr. Doubleplay in on the action. I get as aroused, if not more so, when I can watch what he is doing. I think I also just don’t like being on stage and being watched, such as when it’s just me and another girl. We’re playing and the guys are sitting to the side. I get self-conscious, I must admit, and then can’t let loose as I would like to do. Not to mention the conversation in the audience tends to drift to non-sexy things sometimes. Very distracting!

On the other extreme, I am not a fan of a hard swap situation in which the couples switch partners for the duration of the evening—even if we are side by side and otherwise in the same room the whole time. This ‘permanent swap’ situation was our experience most recently. I felt like I was on a date with the guy, and Mr D with the girl.. We were paired off in a swapped situation the entire time. The gestures I made to mix things up a bit were not as well received. The gal did not seem to enjoy girl/girl play very much. And I didn’t see any instances when she wanted to join in any fun I was having with her husband. The situation left Mr. Doubleplay and I confused. Is this a common way that couples hard swap and if so, maybe we don’t like hard swap after all?

Then again we have had other hard swap experiences that were much less drama. Just fun people having a good time in all sorts of combinations. That was awesome. We had an especially find grand finale to some playtime with a lovely couple. After a lot of great sex, albeit rather separated, Mr. D. and I were lying side by side on our bed while the couple went down on us. I was watching Mr. Doubleplay receive an amazing blow job while my clit was being licked with amazing expertise. The romp culminated with Mr. Doubleplay and I having knock-your-socks off orgasms exactly in unison. Wow. Now that was fun. But the common theme here and a reason for the enormity of our orgasms? We were a team. We were holding hands and watching each other get more and more aroused while we were together.

That experienced solidified what I think is our “new” status. And I’m doing my best here to phrase it in how we like to play instead of what we don’t like to do. This is a work in progress. Maybe it is something to post on our online profile once we work out the kinks:

We are happiest as a couple when we are playing as a team. We get the most enjoyment out of seeing each other having a great time, and we like to participate in that pleasure as well. We love to play with couples who enjoy having fun in the bedroom and like to mix things up during their play. Mr. Doubleplay and I love to please a woman together as a team. I’m delighted with another couple or Mr. Doubleplay and another person like to join in pleasing me. We like variety within the team concept

It’s a hard boundary to communicate up front. How do we avoid this pairing off situation? Do we say that we want to play but we want to keep it at the team level? When intercourse is involved, the pairing off is more natural and yet we don’t like it to stay absolute the whole time. Maybe we need to be much more proactive during playing to discourage the permanent “pairing off.” We are struggling with the vocabulary for how to communicate this idea in a way that is playful rather than dramatic.


Mrs. Doubleplay is 40-something mom living in the middle of America with kids, a career, and pretty house in the suburbs. She’s active in her local church, coaches the kids’ soccer games, and happens to have a secret life as a swinger. Married to her high school sweetheart, Mr. Doubleplay, the couple dipped their toes in the lifestyle for a couple of years but then dropped off the radar to have kids. They rejoined the lifestyle in 2005 and haven’t looked back. They have been soft swap from the start but are working their way toward greater forms of adventure as we meet hot couples on lifestyle vacations, swinger clubs, and online websites.


  1. You said it right 🙂 Or be more upfront and say ‘We like to play together’. Of course when you put restrictions (I hate to call it this) on any profile of what you prefer, you will take the chance of limiting who you play with. But you know what? Thats ok! We play with less people, but our experiences are much more pleasant and enjoyable. We have not had a bad experience in the past year,

    We had a really ‘hot’ couple email us one time. Both my hubby and I found both of them attractive enough to meet. However, upon speaking with them further, we found they did separate room only play. Neither of us was willing to budge the other way- although we discussed it, and it became a dealbreaker. Again, but that is ok! We would have been unhappy swinging seperately – and we know this because we have tried it. It doesn’t work for us. You do eventually meet couples you can play with that have similar play styles as yours as the experiences will be AMAZING! Patience is the key, as well as of course ‘not taking one for the team’ or allowing severe bending of your rules/preferences.

    Here is a snippet of ours:

    “We enjoy couples who like same room/same bed (puppy pile) swap, as we enjoy watching our partners receive enjoyment too.”

    • Your more than welcome to borrow any verbiage you’d like. I know we have built our profile through the years based on reading other profiles and tweaking ours 🙂
      Good Luck!

  2. Emmanuelle Undine on

    My guy and I call it “mini-orgy” style, where everyone plays on the same bed and can join in on anything at any time. 

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