What Do We Want Out of Swinging?


What Do We Want Out of the Swinging LifestyleAfter a couple of months living “the life” I can say that my ideas about what swinging would be like have changed pretty drastically. I pictured key parties, massive orgies at Plato’s Retreat, and sleazy bald guys wearing gold chains and hot pants. We haven’t experienced much of that. For the most part, the people we’ve met have been refreshingly “normal” and non-sleazy. (Except maybe Mr. and Mrs. Rockstar…)

When we first started swinging, we really didn’t know what we wanted. We just knew the idea of adding people to our repertoire sounded like a whole lot of fun. I assumed we’d just have a few rendezvous-type meetings with near strangers that we found on-line. We did that at Miami Velvet and it was definitely a good time, but what I enjoy more is getting to know people. “Dating” other couples is fun and I really like having friends who we can be honest with and don’t look down on us for our sexual desires.

I’ve noticed a huge trend among the couples our age (between 22-35) on the social websites. Nearly all of us are mostly interested in finding friends (with benefits, of course!). We don’t want one-night stands. We want people who we know and are comfortable with. We want to “click” with people and have something in common. Essentially, we want relationships…not just sex.

I used to cringe at calling what we wanted to do a “lifestyle”. It seemed like an awfully serious word for wanting to have a three or foursome now and then. If I called it a lifestyle I might as well join a commune and start dabbing the patchouli on my newly twisted dreadlocks. This isn’t a cult, it’s just sex! Why call it a lifestyle?

But, now I really see what it’s all about. It isn’t just the sex. it’s the connections and friendships. It’s about sharing this part of your life with people who understand and share your interests. It’s about opening up, discovering what really makes you happy, and doing it!


Suzy is your average, 20-something city dweller. She likes shopping for shoes, yoga, sipping cappuccinos, and the occasional foursome. She and Mr. Softy are fairly new to the swinging lifestyle but are ready to try new and exciting things. Most of all, they are excited to blog about it!

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