Accidentally Monogamous – A Swinger Hiatus


Accidentally Monogamous - A Swinger HiatusWhen I first started engaging in non-monogamy, I was living in a big American city with a large, liberal social network. It wasn’t that hard to find like-minded people. We moved from the US to Europe over a year ago and we’ve been celibate ever since.

Not with each other, mind you. But with anyone else.

The situation has been rather frustrating. Having a date, with someone else, gave us time to be apart. I looked forward to him spending an evening away, since I’d spend it in bed, watching bad television and cooking whatever I wanted for dinner.

When you share a life with someone, you fall into a routine. Exposure to new people breaks that routine and gives you the chance to experience the world in a different way. At the suggestion of another, you might try a new restaurant or catch a movie you might not have otherwise.

And, frankly, I miss having a variety in sex partners. Part of the reason we got into non-monogamy in the first place was our mutual desire for variety. Neither of us wanted to be each other’s “last.”

I hope that as we establish ourselves here, opportunities will develop for both of us. We will, eventually, meet like-minded people and reestablish what we left behind. Until then… roleplay?


Neamhspleachas is a thirty-something American, currently living in the Netherlands. She works as a journalist and writer. If she’s not working, you can probably find her drinking a craft beer somewhere. Possibly somewhere far away from home. You can find her putting her multiple degrees to good use by blogging about relationships, economics, politics, and boobs that are and are not hers at


  1. You’ve just described my experience! Six months ago we moved to a new city, which is a tenth of the size of our old home, and every other city is around 3000km away – the joys of living in Australia! It’s been extremely hard to find open-minded individuals, let alone couples, so we’re practically on an indefinite open relationship hiatus. I’m not sure what the solution is, but I hope we work out something soon.

    • Where the bloody hell are you living Alice Springs or Perth?  If you are in Perth all good they have a great swinging scene otherwise oh dear. But Australian’s are used to traveling and you would be surprised how much they will travel for this lifestyle.  

      • Just as bad – Darwin! It’s harder to keep extramarital activities under wraps in a small town. Plus I have to book flings in other cities 3 months in advance, if I want to pay less than $500 in flights.

  2. We are in the same boat, we moved from Australian to New Zealand and although there are swingers here -lots in fact for the population.  Back in Australia I travelled with work a lot and that gave me and my partner the chance to have play mates outside of marriage. Now we live in a small town and having a location to play is an issue, so are our very close neighbors.  I miss sex with new people, I miss having partners who I can be with and it is not about normal everyday life but just that one night ever few months.   

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