Oddball Questions in the Swinging Lifestyle


Oddball Questions in the Swinging LifestyleThey're certainly not in the same category as life's big questions, but the Lifestyle and my eagerness for sexual exploration have presented me with some new issues to ponder. They sort of drift through at random when I'm stopped at a traffic light or staring into space over a hot chai.

For starters, how did single women come to be called unicorns – a beast traditionally associated with chastity? Single women who enjoy playing with couples may seem mythical and rare so that part fits, but unicorns are also often thought of as stallions with that single horn nothing more than a too-obvious phallic symbol. Although I guess other imaginary female creatures aren't the sort that you'd want to find in your bed. Sirens lure sailors to their deaths. A succubus enslaves with sex. Well, that might work for the BDSM crowd, but the term unicorn probably has a broader appeal.

Why is it that the fewer clothes I wear, the longer it takes to get ready for a Lifestyle night out? Even if all I'm wearing is a form-fitting dress and my favorite stiletto-heeled boots – why bother with the bra and panties when I'm not likely to be wearing them for long anyway – it takes me almost two hours to prep and dress. On an average day, I'm headed to the door in just 20 minutes.

How did we get stuck with the word squirt to describe female ejaculation? I think men must get to christen the bedroom positions and tricks, because until the term was popularized by porn, I can almost guarantee that no woman in the throes of passion had the urge to say, “Oh, honey! You'll make me squirt.” The word isn't exactly sexy, reminding most people of the sound made by a ketchup bottle or echoing from the bathroom the day after a partner partied too hard at the local beer and chili fest. A woman might have chosen the word gush instead. As when someone lavishes you with praise, it's a bit much but wonderful nonetheless. Or maybe surge, as in tidal wave, even if thanks to the last Bush administration you associate the word with military action. It can mean an overwhelming force, which is exactly what female ejaculation feels like in action.

Why didn't I start swinging 10 years ago? Sadly, I think I know the answer to this one, although that doesn't stop my dirty little mind from wondering how much further I may have taken my sexual explorations by now under different circumstances. The truth is that back then, I wouldn't have believed it was possible to find a place within our culture where women could experience as much sexual freedom as men. It never even occurred to me to look. Maybe that's the big question I should have been pondering.


Ms Deed is a 40+ single woman who freed her hedonist tendencies when she discovered the Lifestyle in 2011. She lives in the wilds of South Florida, where much stranger things have happened.


  1. I have often wondered about the same things… the unicorn thing gets me too.  How about why are people so surprised that I can truly be just friends with a man – with benefits and all – and not have a relationship that requires rules and such.  I have such a friend, actually a couple, and they are truly NSA.  But friends in the lifestyle, the supposedly open minded people, are constantly boggled by us, assuming we must be a couple or that they must have our consent to play with the other half of our arrangement.  They are constantly surprised by our ability to be truly just friends and that we mean what we say when we say that no, we have no rules or claim on each other.  

  2. I too wonder about these things and yes, squirt should be relegated to the realm of squeezable containers including grey poupon….  As for primping, I am a nudist, I live on a nudist/swinger resort.  I am a guy, I can be dressed for work and out the door, including shower and shave (multiple places) in 30 min.  On a night of a party/dance here, it takes me as much as two hours.  Sometimes all I wind up wearing is sandals and a towel, and yet it still takes me forever.  The wife begins to laugh at me after 30 min.  Do I put the contacts in, or not?….I think swinging is like being a nudist, you come to it when you are ready.  No one can tell you that you are ready, you have to feel it yourself.  I find it takes most of us 35 to 40 years to become comfortable enough in our own skin to let the hair down.  As for rules and open-ness, well we are still learning in that.  we like consistency, partly because we think it gets better the better you know someone and partly because we fear getting around too much.  We really don’t want to share any disease, so we look for more modest ones, but that is a whole different set of interactions.  I think it just takes time, you just have to stick to it. *hugs and kisses* j

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