Swinging Advice – Too Much Female Ejaculation?


swinging, polyamory, & non-monogamy adviceWe here at The Swingset are always happy to help with any questions or concerns you have, please don’t hesitate to ask!

Today's question came through the grapevine via Kendra Holliday and The Beautiful Kind

Q. Now I have a question. I recently met a woman and we have really hit it off on a lot of levels. We've been out on “dates” three times in three weeks and has been great. Well over New Years weekend we spent almost 3 days together and finally slept together. Been a long time for her and for me. It was great except for one thing….she is a squirter. Now let me tell you I have no problem with this normally. It's not a particular kink of mine but not against it. The volume of fluid was incredible and I had to pull out several times just to let her catch her breath. VERY sensitive and orgasmic. Now this may be some guy's dream and I have to admit it's a turn on to see a woman who excited, however it can be almost too slippery and I started to lose sensation. She is awesome and we are very compatible both sexually and as a couple. Kendra, I am a very sexual guy who is open to almost anything but I can see this becoming a distraction. A little goes a long way but a lot can get in the way. What are your thoughts?

– Chuck V. Anonymous

A. So, as many of our readers/listeners know, I have rather vast experience with exactly what you're describing. My wife Marilyn is a gusher and multi-orgasmic. She can gush many times over the course of an evening soaking everything in sight. Initially we didn't quite realize what was happening, and all I noticed was she was getting exceedingly wet and I was losing sensation. We'd stop, dry her off, then start again. She began to get self-conscious about it.

Then we learned a little more about gushing, and given how rare female orgasms are in general, a gushing orgasm is like the crown jewel. Usually this is indicative of gspot orgasms. My recommendation here is to shift your thinking, see this as the amazing and rare thing that it is. Something that most women are capable of but few actually reach. With your encouragement and enthusiasm, and seeing this as an awesome thing rather than something you would rather she not do will change the dynamic. Think of how you would feel if she said “You know, you just make too much cum, can you make less? It's irritating/distracting in my mouth.”

Once she's confident in her skill, kegel exercises can help her control it dramatically. Awareness of how her body feels before she squirts to will help. Marilyn can now hold it in for as long as she wants to then create a super squirting finale that would make the Bellagio Hotel fountain jealous.

It's a feature, not a bug. =)

And stock up on a Liberator Fascinator Throe or two to protect your bed/couch/floor/kitchen table.


About Cooper Cooper S. Beckett is the co-founder and host of Life on the Swingset: The Podcast since 2010, author of swinging & polyamory novels A Life Less Monogamous and Approaching The Swingularity, and memoir My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory. He teaches and speaks on swinging, polyamory, pegging, play parties, and coloring outside the boundaries of your sexuality. He is a graphic & web designer, photographer, and voice over artist, has been a guest expert on Dan Savage’s Savage Lovecast, & is the announcer of Tristan Taormino’s radio show Sex Out Loud. He is currently working on two instructional non-fiction books, one about beginning non-monogamy, and another about pegging.


  1. Thanks for this take on squirting.  I began squirting with my now-husband about 5 years ago at the age of 34.  AMAZING.  I used to have a hard time getting to one clitoral orgasm.  I had never orgasmed just from intercourse.  At 33 I really hit a high and became VERY multiorgasmic.  Now this! 

    Happy to report that I received a gorgeous red Liberator throw for Valentine’s Day (hard to explain to vanilla friends – “so what did you get for Valentine’s?” – but oh so worth it!)!  It truly is a gift and gives instant feedback to my husband that he knows my buttons better than I know them myself.  He just grins from ear to ear and revels in it.  When we watch Pink Visual porn, I prefer to watch the squirters because you know it’s so real for the woman and is really earth-shattering (can’t fake those shaky legs!).

    The other perk is that we can go for hours!  I used to get dry and now, no lube needed.  So I agree about the “wipe off” occasionally so you get some more friction and enjoy! 

    Thank you for the tip about Kegels.  I’ll work on that. 

    I’m wondering how other couples feel when they are with a squirter?  It could go either way I suppose – a fascinating highlight or may cause jealousy with the non-squirting female.  Have not had enough experiences yet to see.  I’m thinking the guys like the novelty of it if they’ve never seen it happen before.  Am I on base here?

  2. I’m 18 and I’ve just recently had my first couple of orgasms through masterbation. It was a huge relief because I was afraid I would never reach an orgasm! However, the amount of ejaculation that comes out is embarrassing and I feel like its abnormal. At first I thought I must have urinated due to the amount that came out. The next time I tried it, I went to the bathroom before and made sure my bladder was empty. I reached an orgasm again and the same thing happened. It soaked through 3 towels and still managed to get on my sheets. I stopped myself before I could finish and rushed to the bathroom, but I felt absolutely no need to urinate. I’m worried that now that I’m able to have orgasms, I’m going to ejaculate like this when me and my boyfriend have sex as we are very sexually active. Can anybody relate to this or give me any advice? Could it just be because it’s only my first couple of times orgasming and that it will calm down over time?

    • Technogeisha on

      Female ejaculation is not unusual and definitely NOT abnormal. It has nothing to do with urination so you have nothing worry about. When the fluid released during gushing was analyzed they found it did not match the composition of urine but the fluid produced by the prostate. Whether or not you will gush again is unknown. We’re all built differently so different things trigger female ejaculation. It is often part of a g-spot orgasm but can happen at any time. There are many women who gush and many who wish they did but are still trying. I gush, usually in response to a g-spot orgasm but have been known to gush when masturbating too. I have several friends experience female ejaculation. Some gush like geysers, some need a specific technique or toy and others need lots of effort to get there. Whether your gushing with calm down, that I don’t know. Female ejaculation is something that can’t be controlled or predicted. It is some thing you’re going to have to find out about yourself, part of your sexual journey. There is a chance you will squirt again with your boyfriend but there is nothing wrong with that. If he is concerned about it, a little education can help. Over time you will find what triggers intense gushing for you. You will also find partners that will have no problem with this. I have yet to meet a partner that didn’t like it, in fact most of them love it. You just might have to make sure you have plenty of towels or a Liberator Throe on hand.

      Reading up on this might also help you. I recommend The Secrets of Great G-Spot Orgasms and Female Ejaculation by Tristan Taormino and Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot by Deborah Sundahl. You can find info at Scarleteen at http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/squirt_on_female_ejaculation

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