What Can You Do To Be Sure Your Spouse Doesn’t Have an Affair


jealousy in polyamoryThe title of this blog entry was a part of a series of questions that a vanilla girlfriend shared with me. She took her husband out on a date to discuss these questions. They  had a great time getting to know one another better. Other questions included “What business would you start? What is your earliest memory?”

Being in the lifestyle, of course I chuckled at the question of how to help to avoid having an affair and tossed it out to Mr. Doubleplay as we were making dinner one day.  But I soon realized that Mr. Doubleplay had very different answers when it comes down to it. In the lifestyle as well as the vanilla world, there is a Venus and there is a Mars.

Mr. Doubleplay spoke of how he loves that he is allowed to let his eyes wander now. You can sample the buffet of women out there with permission. No need to hide it!

“Men really do have affairs simply because they see a hot piece of ass?” I ask.
“Yes,” he says, “of course.”
“But aren’t affairs really about not having ones needs fulfilled in a marriage—a connection has been lost?”
“Not always,” he says. “I think sometimes it’s about seeing something really hot in front of you.”
He then quickly adds, “Of course, most people don’t have a wife as hot as you.”

Nice recovery, Mr. Doubleplay!  For me, what I love about the lifestyle is that our communication is deeper. We know much more what we are thinking and wishing because we don’t sensor. And through the communication our relationship is deeper too.  A nice piece of ass isn’t bad either. But it is not what it is all about. I also love the thrill. Doing something so totally out-of-bounds of what a ‘good girl’ would do.  And learning to be sexual. To be open and clear and noisy and to let it all happen.

I walked away from this conversation wanting to explore further if men and women do seek and experience for different reasons. Stay tuned.


Mrs. Doubleplay is 40-something mom living in the middle of America with kids, a career, and pretty house in the suburbs. She’s active in her local church, coaches the kids’ soccer games, and happens to have a secret life as a swinger. Married to her high school sweetheart, Mr. Doubleplay, the couple dipped their toes in the lifestyle for a couple of years but then dropped off the radar to have kids. They rejoined the lifestyle in 2005 and haven’t looked back. They have been soft swap from the start but are working their way toward greater forms of adventure as we meet hot couples on lifestyle vacations, swinger clubs, and online websites.

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