A Guide To Good Grooming


good-groomingWith our Desire trip imminent, much of my time this week was spent on grooming. Mani/pedi today, haircut tomorrow, and then the day before the trip—the wax.  Plus trips this week to the tanning salon and an hour in front of the mirror today tweezing eyebrows, facial hair, hair around the breasts. Endless!

I am amazed how the lifestyle has made both Mr. Doubleplay and I extra conscious of our bodies and anxious to keep them tuned-up and presentable. While I’ve always been a gym fanatic, we definitely keep an eye on the scale much more than we had before we returned to the lifestyle four years ago.

Grooming is important overall to be attractive when meeting others. But in the lifestyle, private areas are most in need of grooming—in ways I never thought of before. Mr. Doubleplay has purchased a “mangroomer” that gets the back hair, the chest hair, and he also makes sure to shave his nether region. Because, honestly people, there is nothing that can bring down a sexy scene like getting a hair stuck in your throat when giving a blow job.  We like to see the cock and balls, not a forest down there.

Men, for the most part feel the same. I get so much more action down there now that I have chosen to go bare. The delicate landing strip is also very sweet. But clean the hair out of the clitoral/vaginal area please.  Once again, it’s the hair in the throat issue.

Mr. Doubleplay would like me to emphasize that the grooming tends to happen gradually, much like the slippery slide of rules falling away the more we swing (at least that has been true for us…).

Take the female labia area. You might start with trimming, then creating a triangle, then down to a landing strip, then just shaving it all off. Mr. Doubleplay and I are cautious people–hair included!
Whether one wants to take a gradual approach or lose all of the hair on the first grooming, choosing how to get rid of the hair is a problem. So let’s discuss options, because I’ve tried them all:

1) Trimming. Go with the Berber carpet look down there—never the shag rug. This technique involves regular trimming with an electric trimmer. But it does not eliminate the hair in the throat problem. So let’s move on.

2) Shaving. This strategy is good in a pinch, including same day plans. Care must be taken. The razor needs to be new, and unlike legs, do shave in the direction of the hair. I have had success with using a stick deodorant rubbed all over my labia after shaving to stave away razor burn and those unsightly bumps. Make sure to wash off the deodorant before playtime or someone will have a very bitter-tasting mouth!  The problem with shaving is that you can’t do it too often or you get irritated. And you can’t do it too far away from the actual playtime or you’ll have scratchy, very unsexy stubble. And of course a careless cut down there can just ruin your whole evening.

3) Nair and other chemicals.  A couple that we met on a Desire trip mentioned she uses Nair for sensitive skin. It eats the hair away down to the root. Something about chemicals there scares me. But a note to self: gather more info about the Nair option.

3) Waxing.  Waxing lasts several weeks—great for a trip to Desire. And no yucky stubble.Most swingers go for the Brazilian because it gets rid of the jungle entirely. While getting a wax is not pleasant, a high quality aesthetician can really minimize the discomfort. I believe it is worth paying top dollar for the wax.  Go to a top quality salon. Someone that is very booked is a good sign. My aesthetician uses a blue wax that really does the job. She is also well skilled at doing a “pat pat pat” on the skin after she pulls off a strip. It’s kind of like rubbing your head after you bump it–it sometimes stops the sting instantaneously. The main detractor, other than the cost and the hassle of the waxing process, is that you have to really let the hair grow back in before you can yank it off again. And that wait makes for unsexy times while waiting.

4) Laser treatments. I tried it. And oh how I wish I could say that it worked and it ended my worries forever. I got three treatments, which is the minimum because of the cycles in which hairs grow.  After shelling out $800, my hair is much thinner down there, especially the further away you get from my vagina—because the aesthetician didn’t want to go there. I firmly believe she rushed and skipped spots.  But I can’t blame her entirely. I think the technology is not fully there yet. Or perhaps it is if you go 6 times. If I knew it would work, I’d go and have it done again. Someone out there prove to me that it’s worth a go and I’ll make my appointment next week!

Like most parts of dealing with womanly things, none of these options are ideal. But the enjoyment of sex with well-cared for parts is worth the grooming challenges!


Mrs. Doubleplay is 40-something mom living in the middle of America with kids, a career, and pretty house in the suburbs. She’s active in her local church, coaches the kids’ soccer games, and happens to have a secret life as a swinger. Married to her high school sweetheart, Mr. Doubleplay, the couple dipped their toes in the lifestyle for a couple of years but then dropped off the radar to have kids. They rejoined the lifestyle in 2005 and haven’t looked back. They have been soft swap from the start but are working their way toward greater forms of adventure as we meet hot couples on lifestyle vacations, swinger clubs, and online websites.


  1. I had a similar experience years ago with laser hair removal in the sense that my hair is thinner, but it did all grow back eventually and got somewhat thicker with time. I had 5 treatments to remove all the hair down there under optimal conditions (super light skin and very dark hair). I won’t say it wasn’t worth it, but I wouldn’t pay that much money again unless the technology has improved significantly.

    I use an epilator and have been doing so for years now. It’s very similar to waxing (painfully ripping the hair out) and I can do it myself. The only thing to worry about with this option (same with waxing) is the possibility of ingrown hairs. I make sure to scrub with a loofah every day, which helps keep away those pesky ingrown hairs, but occasionally I still get one. It’s still not a perfect solution, but it works the best for me.

  2. Laser hair removal:

    I have gone about 15 times, as a man its worth the pain. We just have so much dam hair, be prepared to part with the sum of a brand new car, in cash!

    Being a bodybuilder I had a sponsor that gave me 60% off, then they burned my arms one day, like zebra stripes….and I have never gone back.

    But I am almost ready 🙂

    The hair on my arms from tip of finger to shoulder is so baby thing that I only have to shave once every two weeks, and its a quick 10 mins in the shower.

    I had my legs done 4-5 times, and its going to take a few more yet…..

    IMO its worth the cost, time and pain.

  3. I chose to get laser hair removal after years of irritation, ingrown hairs, and painful infected follicles. It didn’t matter if I was shaving or waxing. My underarms, lower legs and bikini line were always miserable. It had gotten so bad that for many years (when we were monogamous), I didn’t even bother to remove the hair!

    When I started seeing other people, it became important that I be well groomed. So I researched laser hair removal.

    The place I chose was just opening up. The owner had done hair removal for years but was tired of working for someone else. She talked to me extensively about it and ended up giving me a great deal price-wise.

    What people don’t seem to realize is that it takes a while for the follicle to die and the thicker (or darker) the hair, the longer it takes.

    The newest technology shoots the laser into the skin and it is absorbed in any pigment. The heat is supposed to be absorbed by the root of the hair and damage the follicle. If the skin is tan, the pigment in the skin will absorb the laser. If one has not shaved closely, the heat will spread out along the hair shaft and the follicle will not be as damaged.

    It takes time for the follicle to accumulate enough damage so that it will no longer grow a new hair. 1-3 treatments is not enough.

    I had 6 treatments each one month apart. Then I was under what they called a 3 yr warranty where I could go in every 6 weeks or so to continue treatments.

    It took a while to visually see an improvement. It also didn’t help that I kept getting sick and would be on antibiotics – something that one can’t be treated while on because of how it interferes with the absorption of light.

    But now, 2.5 yrs into treatment, I only go occasionally for a couple of stubborn patches of pubic hair (it was 1.5 yrs in when I decided to go bald). Every so often an armpit or leg hair pops up, but they are easily tweezed. My skin is as soft and smooth as … well, my 9 year old daughters.

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